Back home!

Took this during my Marine Biology Camping trip! Look at the sky!

Isn’t it scary how fast time is flying? As I’m typing this, I’m currently on the plane flying back to Malaysia for the summer holidays. (Most of my friends and family don’t know that I’m flying back right now, it’s a surprise, so this might be posted up a day later lol). I just can’t believe it’s been almost ten months since I’ve been in the US and a lot has changed for me. Okay, maybe not a lot but still quite a change for me, personally. I remember dreading to go home when I first got to the US, I was so homesick, I couldn’t take it. It took me a whole lot of courage to not turn around. I was scared, really scared. When it sank in that I was actually here for good, I remember my heart beating really fast, I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t move and it felt like the walls were closing in around me. I was panicking. I don’t know how it started, but it hit me like a bus and I just broke down.

Everything was quite a blur after that. Eventually, I calmed down but I don’t think I handled the situation very well. Honestly, I didn’t know how to deal with it because it was the first time I’ve had a so-called “panic attack”. I’m sorry if I make studying and living overseas sound scary. Well, it is at first but things will get better, it really will. Actually, things are turning out great for me. I’ve met really amazing people; I’m doing fun things, having new opportunities. I guess it’s just about getting through the phase then you’re good. Okay, I’m starting to sound very “moral-of-the-story” here. I’ll stop.

Though for some reason, even though I’m flying back right now, I still have a heavy feeling in my heart. It’s the same feeling I got when I was leaving Malaysia to go to the US. My feelings are pretty messed up right now. It’s like a combination of excitement, fear, happiness, sadness etc. I don’t really know. People are asking me, “Aren’t you excited to go home?!?!” I mean, I am excited to go home, don’t get me wrong but at the same time when people ask me that, I can still feel my heart sink a little. It’s like I left something behind, or I probably am just afraid of having to go through the “adapting process” again. I hate it, ugh. It sucks big time. I just don’t like going through it. But I am definitely looking forward to seeing all my friends & family :) 

I’m going to be home for 2.5 months, I guess that’s not too bad right? I know I sound kinda dramatic, making all this fuss and I’m just going back for 2.5 months. Pretty pathetic sounding huh? I’m on the plane and there are 7 more hours until I reach my FIRST stop (only my first stop, shoot die me) at Incheon, Korea. I have to let out my feelings one way or another. I was going to write it in my journal (Yes, I have a journal, don’t judge), but it’s been a long time since I’ve updated my blog. Why not right? I’ve so much time to kill. Plus, I’m getting really fidgety and antsy… I’m alone and I’m overthinking a lot. I used to like plane rides, but seeing in the future that I’ll have to fly back and forth for about 26 hours+, ehhh… not liking it so much anymore. It’s giving me anxiety…

Anyway, if you’re still reading, I would like to congratulate you for getting through my rant post, haha. Your attention (and concern) was much appreciated. Also, I’m considering to update my blog with mostly of my adventures and rants, just so I can look back at something, and also to share it with people who wanna have adventures too! J I might move to wordpress… or a website… idk. (It’s kinda a big step and a huge commitment). Blogspot is so old; I gotta keep up with the technology man.

Alright, I smell food, that’s my cue to leave. I guess I’m done for this post. Thank you for reading this far, it means a lot to me that some of you still give a shit about me :’) *happy tears* Goodbye for now!

rachellu

USA Entry #4: Done with Fall Quarter'15!

hurhur

YAY, I'm done with fall quarter! (Basically I'm done with my very first term only lol).

I just had my last finals for the term and okay la, to be honest, it was super easy... For the first time, I took 20minutes to finish a multiple choice paper. I usually like to utilise my time fully during exams. I'll double check, triple check, estimate how many questions I'll get right and blah blah blah. I did all of that in the span of 20minutes and there were 50 questions. It was one of the most laid back papers I've ever sat for. Plus, the thing about community colleges or the American exam system is that, they allow you to bring a note card in. It's basically a cheat sheet. You can write ANYTHING on it. The first time when I was told I could bring in a cheat sheet, I went totally jakun about it and kept asking my professor, "Wait, we can write anything?! ANYTHING?!?!?" I seriously couldn't believe it but my friends here told me that it was normal. (No wonder Asians are smarter :b hahaha) Back in Malaysia, you'll have NO SUCH THING. Though, I don't wanna get used to the bringing a note card in thing, it really spoils you. You tend to study less and try to squeeze everything into your note card instead. Don't learn from the Americans guys :b

I've only been here for about 3 months-ish(?) and so much has already happened.. I've grown really close to people too and learnt a lot of things. I guess that's one of the good stuff about being overseas alone, you really try to put yourself out there to discover new things if not you'll be rotting at home alone and cry about how lonely you are.. HAHA. It's been a very eye-opening experience so far and hopefully I'll learn much more with the long-ass time I have here.

No doubt that I still miss home though... Nothing can compare to home la :( I miss the 3F's: Family, Friends & Food. Yeah people say we come here to live the "American Dream" but I love Malaysia. It's a great country to be honest, just run by shitty people It may not be up to par with America but I think that's what I like about it. We're still a bit kampung and I love that we have our own culture. America's technology is so advanced and online shopping is the most convenient thing in the world here, it's unbelievable. They may have all of that, but they don't have good hawker stalls, convenient shopping malls, fully-supplied stationery shops etc. (POPULAR FTW!)

I'm not dissing America, don't get me wrong, I've done a lot of things that I couldn't have done in Malaysia (not weed, obviously) but seriously, like fun stuff especially travelling hehe. My winter break is about to begin and I'll be flying to Boston to see my bestie! I'll try to post up more of my adventures soon (if people are interested in reading it) But it's okay if you guys aren't interested because I'm sure my mum will read this any way. She's my number one fan! YAY!! Thanks mum, love you! HAHAH

Thank you for dropping by and it means a lot! Have a great holiday everybody! Oh! Christmas is coming and I can't wait for the joyful season :3

PS: oh yeah, can someone tell me how wordpress works? Is it like a new way to blog or something? Should I convert to wordpress? Someone help me D: I'm not good with all this tech stuff.

rachellu

USA Entry #3: Sky Diving

Hello! So *dramatic pause*, last weekend I finally crossed out something from my bucket list which is sky diving!!!! (duh). It was my friend's 21st birthday and she wanted to sky dive so I was invited along! I have quite a few things on my bucket list and I always assumed that sky diving was something I would cross out last, but I guess I sky dived (dove?) before even bungee jumping for the first time, hahaha!

Okay, so here was how it went. We drove to the middle of nowhere and that was Bryon Airport; signed a waiver form saying that if you die, you cannot sue them for anything, even if it's their fault, you still can't sue, hahah. When I read that I was so hesitant to sign but I did any way if not there was no way I could bungee jump :b Paid, suit up and got some instructions from my blue-eyed Russian instructor. After that we got onto a tiny plane and we had to all squish together. Everyone in the plane were sitting super close, like, WAY TOO CLOSE but I guess that's normal in the sky diving world. The plane ride took about 10minutes to get up to 13 000 feet and guess how long we took to get back to the ground, 5-7minutes.. hahah! There were already licensed divers before me so they were all diving solo. When I watch them jump and fall off from the plane, holy shit... My heart was beating like crazy, you have no idea how fast they were falling!!! My legs were turning into jelly because I was so nervous.

When it was my turn, my instructor and I stood at the edge of the plane door way while the camera man was holding onto the ledge OUTSIDE the plane. Before I could really process what was happening, I was already falling and I screamed (in a good way la). Guess what? It felt NOTHING like roller coasters where your heart jumps out of your chest, nothing like that! You're just falling and when you reach the point where the downward & upward forces balance, you really feel like you're just floating. The scenery wasn't the best but I thought it was beautiful nevertheless and it looked so unreal! It looked like it was all green screen and I was gonna get punked or something lol. The camera man had on a wing suit and he was just flying around in circles so casually. I envied his freedom since I was basically glued to my instructor haha. Finally he pulled the parachute and we shot up while I watch my camera man continue to fall down. I really loved it when we were flying around with the parachute,  it was so fun and my instructor showed me the beautiful view! I felt like I was on top of the world at that point, I was just flying and it felt awesome.

The plane behind us! Pretty cool shot eh?

Sadly, what goes up must come down :( I looked like a totally mess when I landed hahaha but man, I was so happy I did it. It was a good high :b The birthday girl on the other hand, her eyes were bloodshot, her face was so red but she was laughing her ass off from how fun it was.

Mt. Diablo is somewhere there :b 

So to my friends who asked me how it went, there's your answer. I can't explain whatever I really felt but I tried my best. Sky diving isn't scary, maybe the first time before the fall but when you do fall, it feels incredible and it's not scary at all. Not even a bit, it was just hella fun!

Until today, I still couldn't believe I actually did it.Would I do it again? Hell yes! I was really fortunate to have the chance to go skydiving, I was really grateful for it. It's really something different and hopefully I can get my licence so I can do cool flips WITH the parachute hehe. If you have the chance, go for it so you can feel it for yourself! :D

Thanks for reading my friends!

Love Rachel*

USA Entry #2

Get it get it? :b

If you can speak three languages, you're trilingual.
If you can speak two languages, you're bilingual.
If you can speak only one language, you are....?

Any guesses? That's right, an American. hahaha.

My english teacher told us this joke on the first day of class.

Anyway, yes it has been a long time. I had a lot of reading and homework to do after the first week of school. Who gives so much work after the first week of school right? Well, that's college for you I guess. I figured I just needed to like step away from everything and just chill out for awhile...

So over the past week of school, I've learnt a lot actually, not only from class but from the people around me, it's very interesting. I'm studying in a community college so I'm in a really diverse environment, I'm exposed to all types of people and their cultures. One thing I've learnt is that, if you can speak a few languages, people will think you're cool. Guess you know now how the joke relates? I've also realised that your national language is really important. Yeah I can speak a few languages but am I fluent in any of 'em? No, not even one and I'm not very proud of that. I really wish I could speak at least one language fluently. I kinda regret not working harder for Mandarin & BM now. Back home we think that it's a waste of our time but here, it's like a power lol. Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating but it's an advantage.

I missed a few opportunities just because I'm not fluent in Mandarin. I'm too afraid to converse to people in Mandarin because I'm afraid that people will laugh at me. (I tried, really but they laughed anyway) So yeah, I can speak a little BM, a little Mandarin then a little Cantonese but if you want me to CONVERSE in them, then no. I'm just upset that I didn't realise how important learning these languages would have been.

I mean yeah, it's not the end of the world or whatever but I just think it would have been nice if I could at least read/write/speak Chinese better. I suck :( This is my opinion, I'm sure if someone came up to you and say, "Hey you need to learn Mandarin/BM because it's gonna be really useful & important." You're still gonna be like "nah, I don't need that shit."  I guess we don't really appreciate things until we actually need 'em and languages being one of them. haha.

Also, I really regret not taking add math. I'm struggling a lot in Pre-Calculus, I don't even know how I got into that class but yeah, I hardly have any foundation on it since the foundation is ADD MATH. But I'm accepting the consequences right now, I'm working extra hard for Math and thank God I have people around me who are very helpful. It sucks really. I sit in class and numbers and equations are bouncing off my head. The worst part is that they use actual English terms and they complicate formulas like crazy! No wonder Asians are better at Math, we have a much simpler approach unlike the Americans, lol. Stop being around the damn bush and tell me the god damn formula. *flips table*

So far, I guess I'm doing alright. It's very different from high school and from Malaysia of course, despite the amount of asians living here. It's a whole new experience and now I understand why people don't fly off to another country too early because it's like a drastic change (like really drastic). One problem for me is that, I've no idea what to wear to school everyday (I only have classes from Mon- Thurs though) ! I've decided to wear the same outfit twice so every week I'll only have to pick two outfits and save up on laundry! To defend myself, I have very little clothes ok *cries* plus it's very cooling here so I hardly sweat (unless there's no clouds then you can feel the UV-rays penetrating through your skin, literally)

I guess this post is just more of an update on how life for me is like here. Give me a while, I'll try to post more entertaining and hopefully adventurous stuff. Hey, I'm suppose to be living the "American Dream".....? Sigh, I miss home :(

Love Rachel*

USA Entry #1

The Golden Gate Bridge at San Francisco!

(I was born to be a photographer:b)

Yep, I'm secretly Michael Jackson, only at the Mystery Spot in Santa Cruz though.

Sunset at Pier 39, San Francisco. 

It was so beautiful!!!

Hello, I'm sorry I haven't updated my blog for awhile. It's because I haven't really stayed by myself yet here in the States so I couldn't really blog much about my experience here. I'm officially here alone now because my mum and aunt just left a night ago.  sobs. They've been here for about 3 weeks with me, helping me settle in and all which I'm really grateful for. It's quite a lot to take in but thankfully they were here with me, it made things so much easier.

Classes won't start for me until September 21st so it's kinda a long way more to go. I bet you guys are thinking, "Then why did you go so early for??" Well, the orientation programme (yea, thats right, I stay true to the British way of spelling things!) for international students was from Aug10-26. Not everyday but yeah, it was spread out and it was compulsory if not we would have missed our placement tests... Smart way for making students come for orientation because most of the times students will skip it. Then again, if you're going to another country to study, why would you skip orientation right? It's so different from Malaysia and it's so complicating, lol. People here don't even know what A-levels are but then again, their own education system is good enough.

Moving on...

I remember when I was 15, I wanted to leave the country super badly not because of like the bad education system or what but because I was so bored with my life back in Malaysia. I wanted something new and different... I thought, "What fun it would be to have a new life somewhere else!"

Boy, was I wrong. I'm not saying that it's not fun, it's nice here and I think I'll adjust well I guess but you just don't get the same comfort from being at home (duh). You're on your own now. All these things you gotta do by yourself and I have to think of what to cook everyday, ugh! I'm not the type of person that likes to eat out a lot because I get very jelak after awhile. Then there's laundry to do, things to buy, blah blah blah. Man, I just thought how nice it would be just to start anew somewhere else... Damn, I take it all back now. I have to worry about bills too *cries*

Yes, I do admit that I had things there for me already when I was back at home, all thanks to my mum. I had a maid to wash my clothes for me and clean my room, my grandma to prepare dinner for me everyday, my mum pays the bills, house installment etc. I do know how blessed I am, but being here made me realise that many people went through so much just so I could have a comfortable life. I'm not rich neither am I spoilt, please don't get me wrong. My mum worked very hard to get my family where we are today. It just goes to show that we live so comfortably and sometimes we don't really acknowledge the people who make our lives so comfortable. Plus, our currency dropping some more, mum has to work 5 times harder :(

But yeah, being here, I'm always constantly reminded of the people who gave me the comfort like when I wash and fold my clothes, when I cook my own food, when I pay my phone bills. I had everything done for me back in Malaysia, but now, I have to learn to do it on my own which is for my own good and I'm not seeing it in a negative way :)  It's tough now but we all have to grow up sooner or later. It's too soon for me to judge how it is like living here. Classes haven't started yet so... I guess we'll see. Hopefully this will be a great experience for me, learning how to be independent and all that shit, and bills... ugh. I know I know, I haven't started working yet, I know that'll be a bigger pain in the ass.

Anyway, there are a shit load of Asians here, it's a good thing because they have asian supermarkets so I can still have my asian food, bad thing.. I won't have much exposure with Americans at all. The only caucasian American I met was my landlord in San Jose and even my landlady now is an ABC (American born chinese) and I live right behind an Asian Supermarket, hahaha! 80% Asians here where I live.

Honestly, I'm just blogging to pass time, I do apologise for my mindless ranting. On the bright side, I have a few Malaysian friends and they're really nice plus I can say "La, ma, lo, ah". It's so hard to talk without it, it feels incomplete.

This is all for now... I'll probably update again when classes officially start! :) I've been living like a tourist here, just shopping and travelling :b Thank you so much for reading!!

Love Rachel*