Calm your fucking tits

Every second is of infinite value. 

Source: weheartit.com

Hey everybodeh! Yes I know I haven't been updating my blog nobody cares. It's already the 4th week of January 2013. Where the hell did the three other weeks go? Gotta really start appreciating my time. Let us begin because I'm hungry. If I blog after dinner, I'll probably forget. 

I'm pretty sure everyone gets depressed for no reasons at times yes? Sometimes your body just feels so tired and you're just damn depressed at everything all of a sudden. Your depression reaches to a point where you can't hold in anymore and boom, you break down. You have no idea why but you just cry. When you cry, it's not wrong, you're just letting go the tension you've been holding in. But if you cry at every little things, then you're just too damn sensitive, lol. Anyway, have you thought about why you cried for nothing? What's making you feel depressed even though you've had a perfectly good day? I thought about it, I've sorted everything out so I came to this conclusion.

I'm not trying to brag or anything but I'm a very busy person, I've always got shits to do no matter what. I have studies to worry about, not being able to understand what the shit the teacher is teaching so I have to study my own, cheer choreography to work on (Yes, we choreograph our own routine, our coach guides us only so don't think being a captain of a cheer team is easy shit), I have a job so I have work as well, my sports exams and blah blah blah. The main point is that, having a lot of work/ responsibilities, you get stressed out a lot, depends on how much stress you can take. I have so many things going on, time's not on my side, my mind gets super messed up and I just don't know what the fuck I was doing anymore. I start worrying and worrying about not being able to finish my stuff. That makes me sad of course. And in comes things to make your depression worse, like sad past or mistakes you've done. So this stress becomes a part of your depression. Let's say your heart is a bottle and your depression is the water that fills the bottle up. Everytime you get depressed, the bottle fills up and it fills up to the point where it can no longer hold any more water. Whenever you break down, your bottle becomes half empty because you let those feelings out. To empty the other half is to find out what caused your stress or depression.

It's good to let out feelings but it's bad to constantly hold so much in then let out, hold so much in and let out again. That is bad for your body and your mind. Whenever you're stressed out, stop whatever you're doing, take deep breathes, clear your mind and continue. Like what my friend told me, stop wasting your time about worrying what you cannot finish and use that time to start whatever you need to finish. Its always good to talk to someone when you're depressed even if they can't help you much but it does ease you a bit inside. You can't escape depression or stress, it's human nature but God is fair but giving us ways to overcome them. We all tend to forget how to think when we're stressed out, scared, panicky but we have to learn to calm our minds just for a few seconds and think straight. Tell yourself, "Pull yourself together and deal with this shit the right way." It's not easy but we all have to learn.

I guess that's how I think of it, do you agree? So calm your tits (: That's all loves and thank you to those who's reading this, means a lot xx

Love Rachel*

Omnomnomnom

What does this picture mean to you?

Heyyo, the weekend is here. YAY! It means sleeping in, stay up late at night and stuff. But not for me, I got training and stuff D: I'm free right now so I'll just do a bit of blogging. I have a lot on my mind right now but I don't think I wanna blog about my rants today.

Okay soooo, let's begin shall we? There was one time after training, I was like super duper uber hungry and I had no food. My energy was like drained out and I started having gastric. Oh, I'm also super grumpy when I'm hungry, hehe. So I guess you can picture what kind of situation I was in. Pissed at everything and just lying down, complaining about how hungry I am but then I started having deep thoughts about hunger. haha. I asked myself, "Is this how people who are currently starving feels like?" No, they feel way worse. They don't get to eat even a quarter of a meal. Then I shut myself up, I stopped complaining because I know that there are people up there going through way worse than me. They don't get to eat for a day or even more then they die of starvation. It's really sad, don't you think? So now I know, when I don't have food, I always remind myself to be patient and not complain. Oh and I have some friends who like leaves a spoonful of rice after they have finish eating and it's kinda annoying because why can't you just finish that last spoonful of rice instead of wasting it!? It's only a bit left might as well just eat it right? But noooo, my friends just throw that away. Such a waste... I'm sorry but I'm the type of person that never wastes food, I just can't take it having to throw away a plate filled with food.

So before, you decide to start digging in, take just enough for yourself. If you've taken too much, offer to some of your friends before you start licking your spoon and putting it into your dishes, lol. No one wants your saliva in their food, eee. Anyway, think twice before putting food on your plate and do your best to finish your food. Sometimes, my family, we order too much food and we can't finish it so everyone's like damn full. We came up with this game to play, so the loser will have to eat the leftovers and it's a rule that everyone at the table must play even if you're full or not. You could always make a game out of it instead of wasting food and your money (: This is just a suggestion. Remember that a lot of people out there are starving like mad so be grateful for the food you've been given alright?

Hopefully I didn't make anyone guilty :b

Love Rachel*

Self Esteem, bye bye.

Mhmm, so true.

Hello! How's everyone? (: Sorry I haven't been blogging because school just started, there's shit loads of homework and I'm kinda still adjusting to the new schedules & stuff. But right now I'm starting to adapt pretty well. I like my class, nice people, noisy bunch, people are co-operative but of course they could never compare to my Zeta babies (': I do miss my old class very much but it's sometimes good to be in a new environment, well, you can't stay in one place forever, can you?

I'm not sure what to blog about so I'm just gonna like make a poem-ish thing about how I'm feeling right now but I doubt you'll get what I'm blogging :b Here goes nothing...

Not good enough.

No, I'm not good enough. 

Look at her.

She's better.

Way way better.

Why can't I be the same?

Because it's too late. 

Then why am I doing all of this?

For what?

Why do I still keep trying?

I could stop. 

Stop trying so hard.

Stop humiliating myself.

I'm never gonna be better.

Never.

Too old for this. 

Too late for this. 

I tell myself to keep going.

But for what?

What good will it do? 

Not much. 

So why do I keep trying?

Why do I keep going?

For nothing. 

What for then?

Time wasted.

Effort gone. 

Is that it?

That's not the way it should end.

I plan to keep going but again,

what for? 

I'll never improve.

It'll stay the same even in years. 

I'm stuck here already.

No further I can push myself.

So why am I still doing this?

What for?

Tell me...

What for? 

Love Rachel*

The Candy Man.

It's always okay to have fun.

Source: http://soulhunting.tumblr.com

Before I start, this is my 69th post! teeheeheeheehee! :3 So, how was everyone's first day of school? :D The day passed really quickly maybe it's cause I didn't do much in class today. So far, I guess everything's okay but the thing is, the pressure isn't on yet. I haven't started learning anything so it's too early to judge.

Anyway, some of my friends are having dilemmas between which subjects to choose and if they do make their decision, they might regret it and stuff. Yeah, we all have our fears like me. I didn't know whether I should take Add Math or not, and if I do, I will have to change class I might have a hard time catching up and I will struggle a lot. Add Math takes a lot of patience of practice, well for people like me of course but if I do not take Add Math, then I'm afraid I might have trouble getting into college or I might struggle when I take other subjects. I have decided that I won't be taking Add Math, I'm not sure whether it's the right decision but I always tell myself not to regret anything. So if I made the wrong decision then I guess I will have to deal with the consequences. If I struggle in college, I'll have to work extra harder and I'm sure there will be something good out of it.

To me, no matter how sure you are with your decision, I always feel there will be a mistake and also something good out of it as well. There's always 2 sides to everything, it's just how you handle it. Never let the fear of regret hold you back with your decision. If you make a mistake/wrong decision, accept, face the consequences and turn it to something good (: It's not that difficult because you need the will to do it, that's all. Doesn't matter what your decisions are, it kinda all depends on how you handle the situation. Make a right decision, well good for you, but always know a mistake will be involved somehow. Not trying to be a killjoy but its true. Make a bad decision, like what I said, accept whatever it is and turn it into something good. In my opinion, there's 2 sides to everything so if you're unsure about something, think through it properly and you must be willing to face whatever that comes along with the decision you made but one thing I know is never let your regrets hold you back. Because that might be your biggest regret. I'm not a fortune teller, just stating my opinion.

Anyway, everyone should sleep early and wake up for the second day of school! Wooh!

Love Rachel*

No one will ever know.

Source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/73394193@N03/7155245321/

I want to run.

Run far away from here.

A new place. 

Where no one will recognise me.

A chance to be a whole new me.

A better me. 

I can meet strangers,

Then we'll be friends.

Best friends maybe. 

A different life it'll be.

A chance to forget my past.

To erase those nightmares.

And make spaces for new memories. 

Sweet ones they'd be. 

I want a change. 

A change I'll make. 

I'm sick of this life. 

A new one I'll create. 

A whole new routine.

No more boring same old things. 

I wish I could run. 

Run far away from here.

To a new place.

Where I'll be unknown.

Love Rachel*