USA Entry #4: Done with Fall Quarter'15!

hurhur

YAY, I'm done with fall quarter! (Basically I'm done with my very first term only lol).

I just had my last finals for the term and okay la, to be honest, it was super easy... For the first time, I took 20minutes to finish a multiple choice paper. I usually like to utilise my time fully during exams. I'll double check, triple check, estimate how many questions I'll get right and blah blah blah. I did all of that in the span of 20minutes and there were 50 questions. It was one of the most laid back papers I've ever sat for. Plus, the thing about community colleges or the American exam system is that, they allow you to bring a note card in. It's basically a cheat sheet. You can write ANYTHING on it. The first time when I was told I could bring in a cheat sheet, I went totally jakun about it and kept asking my professor, "Wait, we can write anything?! ANYTHING?!?!?" I seriously couldn't believe it but my friends here told me that it was normal. (No wonder Asians are smarter :b hahaha) Back in Malaysia, you'll have NO SUCH THING. Though, I don't wanna get used to the bringing a note card in thing, it really spoils you. You tend to study less and try to squeeze everything into your note card instead. Don't learn from the Americans guys :b

I've only been here for about 3 months-ish(?) and so much has already happened.. I've grown really close to people too and learnt a lot of things. I guess that's one of the good stuff about being overseas alone, you really try to put yourself out there to discover new things if not you'll be rotting at home alone and cry about how lonely you are.. HAHA. It's been a very eye-opening experience so far and hopefully I'll learn much more with the long-ass time I have here.

No doubt that I still miss home though... Nothing can compare to home la :( I miss the 3F's: Family, Friends & Food. Yeah people say we come here to live the "American Dream" but I love Malaysia. It's a great country to be honest, just run by shitty people It may not be up to par with America but I think that's what I like about it. We're still a bit kampung and I love that we have our own culture. America's technology is so advanced and online shopping is the most convenient thing in the world here, it's unbelievable. They may have all of that, but they don't have good hawker stalls, convenient shopping malls, fully-supplied stationery shops etc. (POPULAR FTW!)

I'm not dissing America, don't get me wrong, I've done a lot of things that I couldn't have done in Malaysia (not weed, obviously) but seriously, like fun stuff especially travelling hehe. My winter break is about to begin and I'll be flying to Boston to see my bestie! I'll try to post up more of my adventures soon (if people are interested in reading it) But it's okay if you guys aren't interested because I'm sure my mum will read this any way. She's my number one fan! YAY!! Thanks mum, love you! HAHAH

Thank you for dropping by and it means a lot! Have a great holiday everybody! Oh! Christmas is coming and I can't wait for the joyful season :3

PS: oh yeah, can someone tell me how wordpress works? Is it like a new way to blog or something? Should I convert to wordpress? Someone help me D: I'm not good with all this tech stuff.

rachellu

USA Entry #3: Sky Diving

Hello! So *dramatic pause*, last weekend I finally crossed out something from my bucket list which is sky diving!!!! (duh). It was my friend's 21st birthday and she wanted to sky dive so I was invited along! I have quite a few things on my bucket list and I always assumed that sky diving was something I would cross out last, but I guess I sky dived (dove?) before even bungee jumping for the first time, hahaha!

Okay, so here was how it went. We drove to the middle of nowhere and that was Bryon Airport; signed a waiver form saying that if you die, you cannot sue them for anything, even if it's their fault, you still can't sue, hahah. When I read that I was so hesitant to sign but I did any way if not there was no way I could bungee jump :b Paid, suit up and got some instructions from my blue-eyed Russian instructor. After that we got onto a tiny plane and we had to all squish together. Everyone in the plane were sitting super close, like, WAY TOO CLOSE but I guess that's normal in the sky diving world. The plane ride took about 10minutes to get up to 13 000 feet and guess how long we took to get back to the ground, 5-7minutes.. hahah! There were already licensed divers before me so they were all diving solo. When I watch them jump and fall off from the plane, holy shit... My heart was beating like crazy, you have no idea how fast they were falling!!! My legs were turning into jelly because I was so nervous.

When it was my turn, my instructor and I stood at the edge of the plane door way while the camera man was holding onto the ledge OUTSIDE the plane. Before I could really process what was happening, I was already falling and I screamed (in a good way la). Guess what? It felt NOTHING like roller coasters where your heart jumps out of your chest, nothing like that! You're just falling and when you reach the point where the downward & upward forces balance, you really feel like you're just floating. The scenery wasn't the best but I thought it was beautiful nevertheless and it looked so unreal! It looked like it was all green screen and I was gonna get punked or something lol. The camera man had on a wing suit and he was just flying around in circles so casually. I envied his freedom since I was basically glued to my instructor haha. Finally he pulled the parachute and we shot up while I watch my camera man continue to fall down. I really loved it when we were flying around with the parachute,  it was so fun and my instructor showed me the beautiful view! I felt like I was on top of the world at that point, I was just flying and it felt awesome.

The plane behind us! Pretty cool shot eh?

Sadly, what goes up must come down :( I looked like a totally mess when I landed hahaha but man, I was so happy I did it. It was a good high :b The birthday girl on the other hand, her eyes were bloodshot, her face was so red but she was laughing her ass off from how fun it was.

Mt. Diablo is somewhere there :b 

So to my friends who asked me how it went, there's your answer. I can't explain whatever I really felt but I tried my best. Sky diving isn't scary, maybe the first time before the fall but when you do fall, it feels incredible and it's not scary at all. Not even a bit, it was just hella fun!

Until today, I still couldn't believe I actually did it.Would I do it again? Hell yes! I was really fortunate to have the chance to go skydiving, I was really grateful for it. It's really something different and hopefully I can get my licence so I can do cool flips WITH the parachute hehe. If you have the chance, go for it so you can feel it for yourself! :D

Thanks for reading my friends!

Love Rachel*

USA Entry #2

Get it get it? :b

If you can speak three languages, you're trilingual.
If you can speak two languages, you're bilingual.
If you can speak only one language, you are....?

Any guesses? That's right, an American. hahaha.

My english teacher told us this joke on the first day of class.

Anyway, yes it has been a long time. I had a lot of reading and homework to do after the first week of school. Who gives so much work after the first week of school right? Well, that's college for you I guess. I figured I just needed to like step away from everything and just chill out for awhile...

So over the past week of school, I've learnt a lot actually, not only from class but from the people around me, it's very interesting. I'm studying in a community college so I'm in a really diverse environment, I'm exposed to all types of people and their cultures. One thing I've learnt is that, if you can speak a few languages, people will think you're cool. Guess you know now how the joke relates? I've also realised that your national language is really important. Yeah I can speak a few languages but am I fluent in any of 'em? No, not even one and I'm not very proud of that. I really wish I could speak at least one language fluently. I kinda regret not working harder for Mandarin & BM now. Back home we think that it's a waste of our time but here, it's like a power lol. Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating but it's an advantage.

I missed a few opportunities just because I'm not fluent in Mandarin. I'm too afraid to converse to people in Mandarin because I'm afraid that people will laugh at me. (I tried, really but they laughed anyway) So yeah, I can speak a little BM, a little Mandarin then a little Cantonese but if you want me to CONVERSE in them, then no. I'm just upset that I didn't realise how important learning these languages would have been.

I mean yeah, it's not the end of the world or whatever but I just think it would have been nice if I could at least read/write/speak Chinese better. I suck :( This is my opinion, I'm sure if someone came up to you and say, "Hey you need to learn Mandarin/BM because it's gonna be really useful & important." You're still gonna be like "nah, I don't need that shit."  I guess we don't really appreciate things until we actually need 'em and languages being one of them. haha.

Also, I really regret not taking add math. I'm struggling a lot in Pre-Calculus, I don't even know how I got into that class but yeah, I hardly have any foundation on it since the foundation is ADD MATH. But I'm accepting the consequences right now, I'm working extra hard for Math and thank God I have people around me who are very helpful. It sucks really. I sit in class and numbers and equations are bouncing off my head. The worst part is that they use actual English terms and they complicate formulas like crazy! No wonder Asians are better at Math, we have a much simpler approach unlike the Americans, lol. Stop being around the damn bush and tell me the god damn formula. *flips table*

So far, I guess I'm doing alright. It's very different from high school and from Malaysia of course, despite the amount of asians living here. It's a whole new experience and now I understand why people don't fly off to another country too early because it's like a drastic change (like really drastic). One problem for me is that, I've no idea what to wear to school everyday (I only have classes from Mon- Thurs though) ! I've decided to wear the same outfit twice so every week I'll only have to pick two outfits and save up on laundry! To defend myself, I have very little clothes ok *cries* plus it's very cooling here so I hardly sweat (unless there's no clouds then you can feel the UV-rays penetrating through your skin, literally)

I guess this post is just more of an update on how life for me is like here. Give me a while, I'll try to post more entertaining and hopefully adventurous stuff. Hey, I'm suppose to be living the "American Dream".....? Sigh, I miss home :(

Love Rachel*

USA Entry #1

The Golden Gate Bridge at San Francisco!

(I was born to be a photographer:b)

Yep, I'm secretly Michael Jackson, only at the Mystery Spot in Santa Cruz though.

Sunset at Pier 39, San Francisco. 

It was so beautiful!!!

Hello, I'm sorry I haven't updated my blog for awhile. It's because I haven't really stayed by myself yet here in the States so I couldn't really blog much about my experience here. I'm officially here alone now because my mum and aunt just left a night ago.  sobs. They've been here for about 3 weeks with me, helping me settle in and all which I'm really grateful for. It's quite a lot to take in but thankfully they were here with me, it made things so much easier.

Classes won't start for me until September 21st so it's kinda a long way more to go. I bet you guys are thinking, "Then why did you go so early for??" Well, the orientation programme (yea, thats right, I stay true to the British way of spelling things!) for international students was from Aug10-26. Not everyday but yeah, it was spread out and it was compulsory if not we would have missed our placement tests... Smart way for making students come for orientation because most of the times students will skip it. Then again, if you're going to another country to study, why would you skip orientation right? It's so different from Malaysia and it's so complicating, lol. People here don't even know what A-levels are but then again, their own education system is good enough.

Moving on...

I remember when I was 15, I wanted to leave the country super badly not because of like the bad education system or what but because I was so bored with my life back in Malaysia. I wanted something new and different... I thought, "What fun it would be to have a new life somewhere else!"

Boy, was I wrong. I'm not saying that it's not fun, it's nice here and I think I'll adjust well I guess but you just don't get the same comfort from being at home (duh). You're on your own now. All these things you gotta do by yourself and I have to think of what to cook everyday, ugh! I'm not the type of person that likes to eat out a lot because I get very jelak after awhile. Then there's laundry to do, things to buy, blah blah blah. Man, I just thought how nice it would be just to start anew somewhere else... Damn, I take it all back now. I have to worry about bills too *cries*

Yes, I do admit that I had things there for me already when I was back at home, all thanks to my mum. I had a maid to wash my clothes for me and clean my room, my grandma to prepare dinner for me everyday, my mum pays the bills, house installment etc. I do know how blessed I am, but being here made me realise that many people went through so much just so I could have a comfortable life. I'm not rich neither am I spoilt, please don't get me wrong. My mum worked very hard to get my family where we are today. It just goes to show that we live so comfortably and sometimes we don't really acknowledge the people who make our lives so comfortable. Plus, our currency dropping some more, mum has to work 5 times harder :(

But yeah, being here, I'm always constantly reminded of the people who gave me the comfort like when I wash and fold my clothes, when I cook my own food, when I pay my phone bills. I had everything done for me back in Malaysia, but now, I have to learn to do it on my own which is for my own good and I'm not seeing it in a negative way :)  It's tough now but we all have to grow up sooner or later. It's too soon for me to judge how it is like living here. Classes haven't started yet so... I guess we'll see. Hopefully this will be a great experience for me, learning how to be independent and all that shit, and bills... ugh. I know I know, I haven't started working yet, I know that'll be a bigger pain in the ass.

Anyway, there are a shit load of Asians here, it's a good thing because they have asian supermarkets so I can still have my asian food, bad thing.. I won't have much exposure with Americans at all. The only caucasian American I met was my landlord in San Jose and even my landlady now is an ABC (American born chinese) and I live right behind an Asian Supermarket, hahaha! 80% Asians here where I live.

Honestly, I'm just blogging to pass time, I do apologise for my mindless ranting. On the bright side, I have a few Malaysian friends and they're really nice plus I can say "La, ma, lo, ah". It's so hard to talk without it, it feels incomplete.

This is all for now... I'll probably update again when classes officially start! :) I've been living like a tourist here, just shopping and travelling :b Thank you so much for reading!!

Love Rachel*

Farewell Speech (Redo)

As I write this post, I'm on my flight to San Francisco. But of course when I publish this, I've probably landed already because wifi (duh):b

While most people are asleep on the plane, I'm trying really hard to stay awake right now because I hate getting jet lag. It feels like utter shit. I'm just trying to get my body to adjust to my destination's time zone. I won't be sleeping for another 8 more hours and my eyes are tired af.

How do I feel right now? I'm devastated. I miss home already. The thought of being so far away from my friends and family kills me inside. In my head I keep thinking that I'm making a big mistake and I should have just stuck to staying at home. My heart hurts just thinking about all of this. But I'm so thankful for my friends, they push me forward and made me feel so much better about the whole thing. 

Ok, back to the aim of my post. My family and close friends planned a surprise farewell party for me two Sunday's ago and it was seriously the sweetest thing ever. I get teary-eyed very quickly so... I burst into tears as soon as I saw everyone in the room and processed what was actually happening. It was a very emotional night for me but I'm glad I could leave with that sweet memory. It was just really comforting to know that I will have so much love and support from home to make my departure much easier. Also, on that night, I had to make a speech and I was too emotional to form my words properly. My thoughts were all over the place and I was trying so hard to hold back my tears. Basically, I choked up many times during my speech and it went nothing like how I imagined in my head. So.. I just wanna redo my farewell speech for my friends & family. I'll keep it short & simple. 

a glimpse of the amazing party decorations! 

Here it goes:

"There's so much I want to say and so many people I wanna thank but it would be a never-ending list. I never realised how many people really loved and cared about me until that night. I realised how blessed I was to be surrounded by such amazing people. After IGs, I've spent 9 months (more or less) doing a bit of coaching, lazing around and trying to figure out what else I can do. I had so much free time and it made me lost because there was nothing I could focus on. When it was almost time for me to leave, I felt so ready to leave, so ready to start studying again and actually continue on with my life. But then, the surprise party happened and my heart has never felt so heavy after thinking about all the people that I'll be leaving behind. Thank you guys for teaching me to appreciate everyone around me more. I never knew how important your roles were in my life until that night. I'm ashamed to say that I may have taken some our friendships/time for granted but even so, you all stuck by me. What have I done in my past life to deserve all you incredible people? (You guys know who you are) Thank you so much for being in my life, thank you for everything that you've done for me. We may be miles apart but I'll never forget these incredible people. Time will pass very quickly and before you know it, we'll pick up where we left off. To these incredible people, please do take care and stay safe always! You all will be in my heart! A good friend of mine told me not to say goodbye but instead see you tomorrow. So, see you guys "tomorrow" I shall :)"

To the people I know, if you have snapchat feel free to add me! Since I have no twitter or instagram, I have no clue what's happening back home so I have to rely on snapchat to do so. Also, if you would like to see a few snippets of my American Life, add me too! Acc. name: rachellutzeee

That's all for now I guess, I will definitely update about my life here as soon as possible :) 

Love Rachel* 

Rant #1: Doubts about my career choice

Yes my blog shall also be a ranting platform for me. I won't tell people to read my rants of course but writing out will help me feel a bit better. If someone visits my blog and sees my rant, hopefully some might give me some sort of advice at least.

Being able to have my career related to the ocean & the living creatures inside it has always been my life long dream. (Well, I know I've only been on this Earth for 18 years)  At this point, I honestly can't see myself doing anything else than marine biology.

In all my previous posts, when I do blog about wanting to do marine biology, I might sound pretty damn confident about it. To be frank, I'm scared shitless and doubtful about my decision. Sometimes I'm even quite embarrassed to tell the adults when they ask me what I want to be. I was fortunate that some adults out there were really supportive of it but the other half, don't see it the same. Maybe it's the typical Asian mentality, I don't know.

My family members aren't FORCING me to choose a different career path but they are trying to convince me to do something else other than marine biology. They sometimes talk about it as if it's a joke and maybe a hint of mockery added into it. "She wants to talk the dolphins in the future" (It sounds more insulting in Cantonese, haha) Anyway, back to the point, when they say things like that, I get hurt. I know they just meant it as a joke but I can't help but to take it abit personally because it's something I strongly love and believe in. It demotivates me when they say things like that, it makes me doubt my choice even more. Yeah we shouldn't care what others say but this is my family and I care about their opinions and all so I do take what they say personally as well.

I'm not trying to bad mouth my family or anything like that, believe me when I say I love them more than anything else in the world. But it's just really hard to go after your dreams when the people you love and loves you don't really support it :/

I have people telling me to get a stable job first and then do marine biology when I have enough money blah blah blah. Basically, they want me to take a safe route first. What if I don't get a chance like that in the future anymore? What if I'm too busy with my family or with my "stable career" that I can't go after my dreams anymore? I'll spend my whole life wishing I went down the other road instead.

I'm not required to choose what to major in so quickly so when I'm in college, I promised myself to keep an open mind and who knows I might find something else that I really wanna do instead of marine biology. I might not be the Rachel that people knew in high school as the girl who wanted to associate her life with dolphins. Who knows? Only time will tell. Marine biology is a really really big field, it's getting more competitive and I might struggle to find a job in the end. People will tell me "I told you so" but that's okay, if I was too stubborn to listen then I'm willing to face the consequences of my own actions.

I've met this journalist from The Star once, she told me she wished she did marine biology instead but she was too afraid to pursue it. She told me to just go after it. I'm willing to take the leap of faith, for myself to go after my possible dream and for others who are too afraid to do what they really want. I'm going to take the risk. Your job is probably something you're going to be tied to for most of your life, so I hope to also find joy in it and not just earning money.

All in all, whatever decisions you make for your future should be all up to you and no one else. But you must also take full responsibility of your own actions. I guess you can never always make the right choices but that's okay, that's life for you  I don't know, whether the decision I make will be the right one, I guess we'll find out sometime in the future. Meanwhile, I guess I'm just going to go with my heart. I want to live my life knowing that I did try going after my dream, and if it doesn't work out, hopefully, I will have another dream to go after. I just think it's better to try going after it than live your life not trying at all.

Anyway, thank you so much for hearing me out. I felt so much better after writing this:)

Love Rachel*

#dontjudgechallenge

Hey y'all! Yes, I changed my blog design again, I get bored of how it looks too quickly:b I'm still making little changes to it. All these html tweaking stuff was a bit complicating but yet very interesting so I'm still in the learning process!

Since most of you have Twitter/Instagram, I'm sure you would have come across videos with the title "#dontjudgechallenge". There were a few videos on my Facebook feed so I was curious to see what it was all about. At first, I thought this was just those silly challenges but when I googled for the main intention of the challenge, I have to say, this challenge is really stupid.

This is freaking hilarious! HAHAHA!

Now, for those who do not know what the #dontjudgechallenge is, it's basically a person making him/herself look 'ugly' by drawing their face with marker, tying their hair badly etc then, they'll cover the camera and next appears a "beautiful version" of themselves. You can say it's suppose to be a transformation video. I think what the video is trying to say is, "oh don't judge a book by its cover, I can actually look super amazing."

Here's an idea of what the challenge is like. I just got this video off youtube, so the owner can have all the credit.

There's a page called "Don't Judge Challenge" on Facebook where people submit their videos. Go check it out, some are just super absurdly funny (That's not a real phrase... Is it?)

The funny thing is, the main goal of this challenge was to protest against body shaming. Yes, I know this is a don't judge challenge, yet, I'm gonna be giving my opinion on how stupid this challenge is. (don't judge, lol) Instead of protesting against body shaming, I think what these people are doing is that they're putting a fixed representation of what 'ugly' is and what 'beautiful' is in society. So where's the part where you try and stop body shaming? When I watch these videos, people are just drawing their faces with markers and making ugly faces. In one of the videos I watched, this guys had Q-tips sticking out of his ear, hahahaha! Seriously though, I doubt there'll be people out there who will be walking around with Q-tips in his ear, it's too ticklish! Anyway, after their 'miraculous' transformation, its either some girls with their make up on while showing their cleavage or some guys become shirtless, they flex their muscles, bite their lips and all. Are you suppose to be 10x hotter with your tits hanging out or with you pulling your pants as low as possible? If that's your perception of 'beauty', then yeah thats great, good for you but what they are doing is putting down the people who actually have acne conditions, (Nobody wants to have acne, it's bloody painful and disturbing but some people can't help it because their body reacts that way) or people with glasses or people with unibrows (If they like their unibrow, leave them be) or people with exceptionally different moustaches etc.

I just think this challenge ended up sending the exact opposite message of its main intention. Many people now are just totally veering off the main aim of doing this challenge and their turning it into something vain instead. "Look world! After getting rid all of the sharpie on my face, I'm fucking hot now!" We all have our own perception of beauty and yes we are all entitled to our own opinions. But this challenge is like someone shouting at you in real life, "Hey! That's what ugly looks like!" It can be a real slap in the face for some people. We want everyone to accept and love who they are but how can people do that when there are people out there who keep emphasising on what beauty is supposed to be with challenges like that?

If there's a challenge that has to be out there, I think a challenge where the girls do a before with make up on and an after without the make up. Maybe that will help more girls to be comfortable in their own skin. (Just a thought). I just have quite a few friends who never dare to go out without having make up on, but I hope that girls out there know that they're still beautiful even without all of the make up :)

Check out this girl who did the exact opposite of the challenge. I really salute her, I don't think I would have been able to do the same if I was in her shoes. 

I guess, at the end of they day we're all humans and we can't help but judge. Anyhow, I do hope if we ever do judge, that it'd be for the better (makes sense?). I had to be really careful when I wrote this post as well because I too have my own perception on what beauty is and it might be a little touchy to some readers. I did not mean to offend anyone, if I did, I'm very sorry. I'm just putting how stupid this challenge is out there, I don't support it at all. Come on guys, it's just face with marker and face with no marker.. *shrugs* It's another stupid internet trend we DON'T WANT to encourage. We're just taking a huge step back on trying to improve society.

Love Rachel*

My 1st Diving Trip: Pulau Perhentian

I am now a certified PADI Open Water Diver! YAY! It's probably not a big deal to most of you people but it is to me because I'm one step closer to achieving my dream hehe.

My botak instructor & I! 

Anyway, I've been really excited about sharing my experience with you guys because my dive trip was super fun! I really hope through my experience people of all ages will take up diving and be able to experience the underwater world too and also protect it!

Pulau Perhentian Besar!

I honestly don't know where to begin and how to describe my experience underwater. If I could put it in one word I would say that it felt magical. You would probably think that I'm exaggerating but that was just how I felt when I was diving. You'll feel like you're floating and when you see the reefs and the weird creatures and plants underwater, it just feels so surreal. If you don't dive, you'll never be able to see the cool things down there for yourself. I remember when I went snorkelling in Tioman, it was really amazing but going diving, the "amazingness" is x39847204704009490. Seriously.

I stayed at Bubbles Dive Resort and I loved it there. Simple, clean, eco-friendly and damn good food! Their service was great, people were friendly, my guides were really nice and they had open air bathrooms! I just have a thing for open air bathrooms, I love the sunlight shining in and at night, you watch the stars while you shower hehe! Anyway that resort was great, you can even just go there for snorkelling trips or maybe just a weekend getaway! It's cheap :D

The beach front of the resort:) Pretty eh?

(Credits to the owner of this photo)

Sleeping quarters

The open air bathroom with the sunlight shining in :3

The beautiful view you see when you lie down on the hammocks at the beach front of the resort:)

Altogether, I did 5 dives during my trip. The first dive was at the Bubbles House Reef so we just had to swim and descend to the reef. We saw two big groupers, spade fishes, a giant clam, fusiliers wrasse fish but it wasn't much compared to the next few dives but then again, it was my very first dive so it was for me to get comfortable underwater and practice some skills.  Honestly, I don't think I've ever been so comfortable underwater. I just felt so at home (I'm destined to be a mermaid, HAHAHA). It was a great start :) After an hour, we were out of the water, get back to changing tanks,  short break and boom, time for the second dive.

A giant sea cucumber on my 1st dive!

(taken by my instructor)

I cannot express enough my anger towards the fucking boat driver that took us to our second dive spot. Our 1st & 2nd dives were delayed because we arrived late and that wasn't our fault. The boat driver was angry at us that he had to work later or something like that. So you know what he did? The waves were very strong and that would result a very bumpy boat ride. If that's the case, the boat driver should drive slowly and slow down whenever there's a big wave (that's what they're paid to do because if anyone gets hurt because of the boat ride, the boat drivers will get their asses handed to them) but no, he went as fast as he could trying to make everyone on the boat suffer. We kept flying off our seats and it was so effing painful every time our asses hit the seats. My dive guide was too nice to tell him off if not he would have kena nicely. If my instructor didn't tell him to turn back to dive in a nearer dive spot, someone could have gotten hurt and the boat would have probably cracked. It was a really bad and painful ride. I know it's mean of me to say this but I hope they fire his ass by now because it was freaking obvious that it was on purpose, everyone on the boat knew. You should have seen his face, I really wanted to slap him. But I didn't want that son of a gun to ruin my dive trip.

Feather duster worm! If you sweep your hand over it, it'll like just shut tight!

(taken by my instructor)

Every trip has its up and down anyway, so that was my only down for the trip. Thank God. The others in my group had a night dive one the first day but Mark & I couldn't go because we didn't have the certification yet :( And they saw a turtle which made me really jealous because I didn't see any turtles during any of my dives:/

OH! My third dive was super cool! It was called the "sugar wreck". The ship was used to transport sugar hence the name but according to my instructor, the ship was suppose to arrive somewhere to get it fixed but I think there was something about not wanting to pay for the fixing or something like that so the people on the boat purposely sunk the ship but everyone else on board was safe. The ship was 600m long and 6m high (i think?) As I was descending, all I saw was a giant, blurry shadow. The 3rd dive was deeper than my earlier dives so I was kinda scared and all the while, I was looking down trying to calm myself.  Right when I looked up, I saw this giant, rusty ship lying on its side and in my head I said, "Holy crap.... This is so freaking cool." The wreck was damn cool though, come on, if you saw a ship wreck in front of you, don't you think you'll be in awe?!?! I really don't know how to explain how taken aback I was... It was really just an unbelievable sight. You'll have to see a wreck for yourself to know how I felt at that moment. We went around the wreck and I saw a "map giant puffer fish" and also two black & white lion fish that were hiding. They were a shit loads of sea urchins on the sea bed though and my instructor was bouncing one up and down on his hand. Don't ask me how he did it because I had no idea. There was no way in hell I wanted to dive so close to the sea bed. Mark was low on air and he was my buddy so we had to ascend earlier. On our way up I saw two box fish (so freaking cute) on the other side of the boat which turned into a reef. It was covered with beautiful corals and school of fishes!

Equalising the pressure so our ears won't hurt! See the wreck behind us? :)

Not sure whether you can see it but this is a small part of the wreck! Had to screenshot this from a video my instructor took.

This is a box fish! Can you see that its like really square? Cute eh:b 

(Got this off google though)

This looks exactly like the lion fish I saw! The pointy parts are all poisonous and it's usually to ward off predators. 

(Google!)

When we got back to the dive centre, same procedure. Change tanks, had yummy lunch, chill and off again to our 4th dive!

We dived at Batu Layar for our 4th dive although there were no Batu's at all lol but instead it is a giant, submerged, circular reef. It was so breathtaking! The reef was seriously beautiful, there was so much life and colour!!! I saw a lot of things this time around: a net giant pufferfish which was pregnant i think, another cute box fish, trigger fish, butterfly fish (the fish that supposedly has a black dot at its tail to fool his predator that it's going the other way), damsel fish (Deb/Flo, the fish that thinks her reflection is her twin sister in Nemo), cleaner wrasse (the tiny fish that eats parasites), a pillow starfish, file fish (pretty cool, front of the fish had a distinct black and the back half was distinct white) and a snapper!! My instructor stayed very still and the cleaner wrasse came to pick on his skin and he opened his mouth to let the wrasse clean it but it didn't :b I have to say the 4th dive was my favourite, there were so many things to see until you don't know where to look. The dive was great but I had to do mask removing and then recovering it at the 5m safety stop to pass my test. I struggled really badly because I can't stand it if I had to stay underwater without being able to see. I'll feel so vulnerable and paranoid. I took a long while to calm down but thankfully my instructor was really patient with me. Once my mask was off, I could feel my chest tighten and my breaths were quick and short so I inhaled from my regulator as though like I was running out of air but in reality, I had about a 100 bar left lol. Finally I did it and yay, at the surface my instructor congratulated us for being an official Open Water Diver! Of course there were a lot more skills la than just removing mask, hahaha but just mentioning the one that I took ages to do -.-

This is a butterfly fish! :)

(google)

Pregnant Net Pufferfish I saw

(taken by my instructor)

Another pufferfish! 

I wanted to take a picture with the beautiful reef but, China go pro, what do you expect right:b

(taken by Mark)

Again, back to dive centre, change tanks had some watermelons and kickass cekodok pisang (deep fried banana balls), ugh, mouthgasm man (that came out not how I thought it would. HAHA). At this point I had almost zero energy left. You're probably thinking, "diving only what, you're just gliding through the water" which was what I thought as well but nope. You'll be surprised how tiring back to back diving can be. Other than using the energy to carry our tanks and other diving equipment back and forth, I had no clue what else could be draining so much energy. Maybe it's like getting tired after a long car ride, you don't do much but you're still dead tired. Get me?

Alas! My final dive for the trip! :( The spot was called Tiger Rock but this time there were huge boulders but why tiger? I have no clue either :b This dive was the deepest by far, 22m ish? It was considered deep diving. This time around my instructor decided to bring an egg underwater, yes, raw egg and he cracked it underwater!!! Aren't you curious what would happen to an egg when you crack it underwater? I didn't bother thinking about the possibilities but man I didn't know cracking an egg underwater could be so cool! We were playing with the raw egg HAHA. When my instructor cracked the egg with a knife, I could hear the cracking so loudly in my ear *cringes* and bloop! The raw egg floated out and you could see the membrane and all so clearly! When you do this spinning gesture with your finger near the egg, the egg follows you which was quite cute :b We kept playing with it and eventually, the yolk and the white separated. We all kept poking the yolk because it was so squishy but then Mr Smart Mark thought that it wasn't fragile at all and decided to play badminton with it. Yep, that was the end of the egg yolk and it slowly went up the surface.

Since we were swimming around giant rocks, we had to be extra cautious because there were really sharp barnacles all around. OH! We swam in between the boulders, that was cool. It felt like you were on a little adventure especially when you were a little kid and you would crawl through those cylinder things at the playground, ya that kinda feeling :3 This dive was a bit scary because we swam through tight places and when you look down, it's pitch black... It is exactly like how you see in those movies. My instructor managed to spot a white and rare nudi branch, it was really pretty! There were huge table corals and also a hermit crab floating around :b There were tons and tons of fishes but it's so hard to identify them and remember them after the dive :( But yes, colourful fishes everywhere!

On my second night, I attended the turtle talk Bubbles held almost every night. Did you know that Leatherback turtles are extinct in Malaysia :( Apparently, they have this special way of ingesting their food. They have these spikes at their "neck" and they "inhale" the jellyfish in and since they only feed on jellyfish, they mistaken plastic bags for them. So when the leatherback turtles inhale the plastic bag in, they choke and die :/ It's really sad la :( Anyway yes, if you want to watch turtles lay eggs which they do almost every night at Bubbles' beach front, you'll have to attend the short talk but it was really interesting! DID YOU KNOW that green turtles are actually red on the outside but their fat is actually green, cool eh :b I was really lucky on that night because they released turtle hatchlings and I was really excited! They were so adorable!!! Another thing checked off my bucket list! Unfortunately though, I couldn't wake up when they knocked on our door to watch the mother turtle lay eggs. I was super tired from the 3 dives but hell, I really regretted not waking up. It was a once in a life time opportunity and I missed it. If you have a chance like that don't waste it :( You get to see wild animals going about in their own daily lives and there's definitely nowhere else in the city where you can witness things like that. Maybe that's why I love diving so much, it's so different from going to the zoo or aquariums. You get to see unique and different creatures in their natural habitats which makes it even more special. They're not tamed or fed by humans, you see them glide through the water, watch them hunt for their own food, you appreciate the beauty of it even more that way:)

I've managed to see the nemo fish in their anemone in all 5 dives. I went really close and they're actually pretty ugly HAHAHA, not like cute little nemo. They look pretty angry most of the time :b

Every dive was really different and unique. You can never have this experience anywhere else, seriously. I tried my hardest to give you guys a visual on how my diving experience went but I really don't think words will ever be enough to express it. You've just got to see it for yourself and when you do, you'll know why it's so important to protect it and appreciate it even more. I think this diving trip really added more fuel to the burning passion I have towards the ocean. I want to discover more and learn even more about the underwater world. When my instructor told me about his past diving experiences, man, I was so envious :( His encounters with really giant fishes that came super close to him and was super curious about him, he has seen hammerhead sharks, barracudas, those really giant school of fish (like the one in nemo where they gave directions), whale sharks and so much more! UGH! I really want to go diving again, haha!

New friends I met during the dive trip :) 

And look at the clear water behind us!!

A new adventure for the two of us:)

I know its quite a pricey hobby to take up but I'm not lying when I say that it's worth the experience. I don't know, maybe it's just me. Some people can't appreciate things like that but if you do like to discover, go dive! You won't regret it :)

I guess I should stop talking now, it's such a long post! If you read the whole way, thank you so much for doing so :) I just really like to share my special experiences with people in hopes that they would wanna experience it for themselves. Sorry if I had any typos that I missed, please correct me if you see any grammatical error or typos! Thank you so much again for reading until here, it means a lot to me :D Have a great July!

Love Rachel*

You're as good as dead.

Live.

"Omg! I did that?! NO FREAKING WAY"

DID YOU NOT NOTICE? HOW COULD YOU HAVE NOT NOTICE? HURTFUL, REALLY.

But seriously guys, if you haven't notice, I've changed my blog's domain name to "littledidrachelknow" because it's the truth, I know very little. Whatever I do know or learn from my experiences, I'd be more than happy to let everyone know what I already do know. And yes, I bet you guys are all super curious about my blog title, "audeat vivere" BUT it is a secret (unless you've already google translate it).

"No Rachel please tell us what it means! Please please, I'm so curious I need to know what it is! Please do tell us!!!"

Alright alright, I'll put you guys out of your misery since y'all are so insistent to know, jeez. To get right to the point, "audeat vivere" means "dare to live" in Latin. Now, why in Latin you may ask? Hmm. I just think it sounds and looks much cooler in a foreign language, seriously. That's it. English is boring, it's lame. Am I a "hipster" now? lol.  All I had to do was type in "dare to live" and translate it to different languages. I tried Italian, Spanish, Greek, Hebrew, Macedonian? I don't know, but none of them looked and sounded as cool as the Latin one. When the lady in google translate said it, it sounded so good (eargasm) even though she's monotone but, it sounded so freaking cool, I had to use it in Latin.

On a serious note, I used "dare to live" because, let's face it, we're a bunch of cowards who are just existing on Earth. We're not actually living. How many of you would say that you're actually living your life right now? If you're raising your hand up (even though I didn't ask you to), you're either lying or maybe you really are living your life which in that case, good for you. As for the rest of us with our hands down, well, I'm glad that you're aware now. Neither am I seizing the day AT ALL, I'm just watching the days in my life go by me until I begin college and the worst part is that I'm freaking aware of that. I have no idea what to do everyday because I wake up, eat, go to work, come back, eat and then sleep. NOPE, No yelling at the top of my lungs, "CARPE DIEM!!!!" and all of that shit. The only thing that probably excites me every day is what I'm going to make for brunch the next day! How fan-freaking-tastic is that? :D Guess what I'm making for brunch tomorrow :3 *DRUM ROLLS*

BANANA OATMEAL! :3 

(it's good stuff though) 

Since I'm blogging about how we should live more and not just exist, I'll try from today onwards to change up my life. Try to make it a little bit more exciting, even if its planning what to cook for brunch, changing things up at work or just enjoying the long ass traffic jam back home. Admit it guys, we don't take risk because we're afraid, we just want our long ass day to be over and done with. We wait for the goddamn week to pass, looking forward to the weekend only to find out that you're just gonna stay at home any way because no one wants to go out with you. Our life just sounds a hundred times sadder doesn't it? Many of you are still in school or maybe at work or if you're stuck with a set daily routine you have to sit through every day, yes it sucks, like shit. But take this opportunity to change things up, I don't know, do something different even if it means getting in a little bit of trouble. Prank your teacher/boss, spray whip cream at someone, I don't know! Just live! I know it's not easy but don't you want to go back to bed every night knowing that you've made the best out of your day/week? I go to sleep every night thinking, "Shit, I have work tomorrow UGHH..." and it puts me in a bad mood automatically and I hate that feeling. But coming to realise this, I'll try from now on to think "What shall I do before work/after work tomorrow?"

Yeah we're still young but how long do we have to keep thinking that we are still young? You want to be seventy with your tits sagging down to your knees or with your beer belly protruding out but still feel young to scream at the top of your lungs, " I FEEL FUCKING YOUNG!" Don't keep thinking that you still have a long life ahead of you, because (touchwood), you never know what can happen to you. Plus, time is flying so fucking fast, it feels so unreal. Cliche as it sounds, live everyday like its your last day. Change things up in your daily routine, even if in the smallest possible ways. "Adventure is dangerous but routine is lethal." If you're gonna just exist like a freaking robot, doing the same damn thing everyday, you're good as dead already. If you have no idea where to start, maybe you can start off by putting down your goddamn phone for awhile and actually socialise with someone. That's a great start :) Make life exciting by talking to people with your mouth, never know where it can take you ;)

I'll try to add on more personal things when I start college or maybe just bits and pieces of my daily life if you guys are interested. For now, always count your blessings and live everyday as if it's your last. Live, don't just exist. Don't waste your life way and die knowing that you just wasted all those years for nothing.

Thank you for reading until the end, hehe.

Love Rachel*

Not a legit goodbye after all~

I am back, lol. So, by popular demand (jkjk) Quite a number of people told me not to delete my blog after I've posted publicly that I wanted to delete it. No face now since I've decided not to delete it. So yeah, weeks of deciding whether I should delete my blog, wasted just because a handful of people told me not to delete it. See how easily I am swayed by people's opinions? In this case, it's not a bad thing :p

They told me to just update my blog once a while or keep it as memory which aren't bad ideas I guess, so why not right? From now on, I'll just update whenever I can even when I'm studying abroad. Hopefully I can share with you guys my life there and also be able to boast to you guys about being a successful marine biologist. I know that marine biology isn't the smartest thing to pursue especially in my country. I had a lot of people telling me to pick the "safer route" like doctor, lawyer, engineer etc because if I do marine biology, I might not have a stable job or it's just more of a hobby blah blah. Anyhow, I came to the decision where I'm just going to follow my heart. I'll definitely keep my mind open to other subjects, it's too early to close doors but I really really hope I'll be able to blog about being a marine biologist and rub it in the faces of people that told me not to go with it. Honestly, I can't really see myself doing anything else. I just have a really strong passion for marine animals and I really do want to fight for them especially with all these shitty global warming. I love the sea, the ocean, the underwater life and I'm getting my diving licence soon so I'm really excited! :D Also, I hope to give marine biology more recognition especially in our country because our Malaysian waters are home to a lot of creatures and are actually super beautiful but no thanks to pollution, we're having a bad rep for dirty waters. If you guys have been to Tioman Island or Sibu, Sabah, you'll know what I'm talking about. Anyway, I do believe that if you put your heart into something, you'll definitely get the end product the right way :)

These are the pictures I took with my freaking iPhone 4 when I was in Tioman. The water was crystal clear and it was so pretty when I went snorkelling! You can't deny that it's beautiful!

Ok, all these unnecessary blabber. My aim was to just tell you that I've decided not to delete my blog. Thank you to those who enjoy my blog and wants it to stay alive, really, thank you so much. Maybe it's good for me to blog too because sometimes I really need to vent, haha. I look forward to sharing more of my life by blogging and even though I won't post daily or even weekly, hopefully there will be some of you out there who will still read it. Thank you so much:) All the best to those who are having their exams!

Love Rachel*

Legit Goodbye

Hello guys, as you all know I haven't been updating for a long while now. I've decided that I'm just going to delete this blog because I honestly don't think that I can commit to it in the long run. (plus remove all unwanted evidence of me lol) I'm going overseas, going to start college soon and all of that. Just thinking about it, I really don't think I can manage this blog anymore :(

To the people who have consistently read my blog, thank you so much, it really meant a lot to me to have your support. I'm not trying to make a dramatic goodbye or what, I just really wanna show my appreciation to those who read whatever i put on this blog. Really, thank you a ton :)

I will delete this blog tonight.

Oh well, I guess this is goodbye. Goodbye dear blog:)

Love Rachel*

"Don't compare", mum would say.

Yep yep.

And after what it seems like forever, yay a new post. Sorry, I'm working on a few personal projects lately and my mind is just all over the place, I can't seem to get myself organised.

I came by this quote or saying few days ago, "Other people's successes are not your failures" and it just got me thinking so I would like to share it with all of you (people who read my blog lol). I'm not sure about some of you but I've done it before. When my friends or someone I don't like succeed in something, I'll feel as though I've failed. Have you guys done that? For example, my sister got this tumbling pass and I haven't, I'll just feel like a total failure.

It's always good to set a standard for yourself to achieve. For some, we'll use our friends as a standard, "ok, he got 88% in this, so I shall try to get that the next time around", something like that right? I'm surrounded by friends and people who are better than I am and it's suppose to be a good thing, so you know how you can improve yourself and what goal you would like to achieve. "I wanna be as smart as her." "I wanna be as strong as him." Thoughts like that in our head. But when our friends become very successful in whatever and you don't reach up to the same par, we start hating ourselves and calling ourselves failures. We're so jealous of their successes and we get mad at ourselves because we can't do the same. "Why can't I be like her" whine whine whine.

I think many people do that 99% of the time (I just realised I used figures twice already, what is wrong with me.. I hate numbers). Again, I believe we should all surround ourselves with better individuals because it does influence you to become a better person. We'll all have our good times and down times. Just because someone succeed and you didn't, does not mean you are a failure. Be happy for your friends, SINCERELY! I know sometimes we'll be like "oh yay, wow, congrats, *fake smiles*  *fake hug* and all" but inside we're like "kjshkjjfjabfgjwjqbjdb". We should take it as motivation and also put more focus on ourselves to succeed and not waste time sulking about being a failure. Focus on you! We always always always compare ourselves to others in a negative way.

I remember as a kid when my mum used to scold me when I get bad results, I'll tell her "I'm not the only one who scored badly, everyone else did just as bad too." And she'll reply, "Don't compare!" Then she'll see other people's results and say, "Why can't you score like him/her? Results so good", I will then tell her "Don't compare!" I damn gutsy right as a kid, then mum goes, "SAY AGAIN?"

Anyway, like I always say, there will always be someone out there who is better than you but that's okay, because that's them and you are you. You have your OWN goals, your OWN achievements and you OWN ways on how to get there. It's about you and your own successes.You'll have to make your own mistakes to know how to get better. You can't expect yourself to learn if all you're gonna focus on is how great your friend is. It's normal to envy your friends' successes but don't let it eat you inside out because you might just turn out to be a very hateful friend. Remember, compare only if you're gonna do it in a way that's going to be benefit you. If you're going to compare and then just sulk about it forever, you're just going to waste precious time to get better and you might lose a friend :(

Don't be too hard on yourself when things don't go right, that just means there's more room for improvement :) Be positive and as Ellen would say, "Be kind to one another!" Save the Earth pl0x. 
Thank you so much for reading my post, I do apologise for not being a daily blogger, I'm not a fun person. HAHA.

OH OH! One thing before I leave! If you're living in Selangor/ KL, Malaysia and you're a fashion/art student or you do scrapbooking or you DIY things or you sew/knit or you need home supplies or fabrics or you bake or you love cosplay or you love gardening or you need party items or whatever you can think of, basically DIY things, go to this super huge ass shop called "Spotlight" in Ikano Power Centre. I usually go to Art Friend to get all my scrapbook/art stuff but Spotlight is way way way better and has much more things! You can even DIY your own bra! Please go and check it out because when I was in there, I felt like I was in heaven. (I'm sorry Art Friend, I found my new favourite shop). Have a good day y'all!

Do not be fooled by the small entrance, you have no idea how big it is inside and how many different things there are. 

(I didn't take a picture while I was there, so these pictures are from google)

Love Rachel*

Why short hair?

Happy Saturday guys and also Happy April :D Anyway, as most of you may know, I've cut my hair short. If you know me, you've probably known me with long hair or medium length hair most of my life and now boom! Short hair with a sidecut:b

Before. This was when I just highlighted my hair red.

After. Whadaya think? :b

I've always been the type of person that really wants to change my hairstyles once in a while but because I've been in school, I can't do much about my hair. Finally I've graduated from high school and I wanted a fresh look. For months I'm going through pinterest and google looking for nice hairstyles and all. In the end, I'm really happy with the way my new haircut turned out. Honestly, I was freaking scared to begin with because what if I regret my sidecut or what if it doesn't turn out nice and just all those "what ifs" popping into my head. My mum wasn't really supportive of me wanting to cut my hair because she "invested" too much in my hair but I was glad that she still gave me the freedom to do it and it meant a lot. (Thank you mom <3)  I went to my friends and kept asking them what do you think, will it look nice? blah blah and they just told me "Go for it, just do it" Yeah its true hair will grow but who wants to be stuck with an ugly hairstyle for months? Hair is also part of your self-confidence, ya know? The moment before they cut my hair, my heart was beating super fast and I almost chicken-ed out. But too late, they cut a chunk of my hair from the left side of my head and in my head I'm like , "Well, too late" Anyway, yep, I took the chance and I'm really glad I did :) It gave me a new look and it was kinda refreshing. It was like a restart for myself, something like a new starting point, you get what I mean? It was a new beginning :') I'm also glad that many of my friends and family liked my haircut, even my grandma does! (Although she hoped that I would have gotten a more drastic haircut like boy cuts)

The pony tail they chopped off and guess what, my grandma insisted that I take the ponytail home which I did! HAHAHA

Besides that, holy crap, having short hair really has it advantages. I'm saving so much shower time. I use half or even less of what I usually use when I shampoo and condition my hair. Drying my hair takes 5 minutes unlike last time where I blow dry my hair until my arms get sore. Less hair is falling out when I condition my hair. Life became 50 times easier!!!!Bless Ye The Lord! But one of the down points are that, it's hotter because last time, I could just bun it all up but now I have hair covering my neck and I can't bun it up. I thought having short hair was going to be super airy but my particular hairstyle didn't help me with that and it sucks! Whenever I coach, I'm just sweating like mad in the hot ass gym and all I have is a hair band :( Its ok, sweating is good for you I guess.

Anyway, this post is mainly meant for the people who asked why I decided to cut my hair after having long hair for years. Well, I just want a change and I was getting really irritated with my long hair. It was just getting in the way, ugh :b I just like change, simple as that :) Also, it was just me taking a chance and trying something new. I know once I start officially working I can't try drastic hairstyles that will be unacceptable in work places anymore so might as well try it now :) So in general, if you have a chance, take it, try something different, do something out of your comfort zone. We're all going to be scared when it comes to taking risks, it happens but don't let fear hold you back from really living :)

I know some may think "well it's just cutting hair, no big deal" Right before I cut my hair was already reaching my butt and after years of effort growing your hair out, it is really nerve-wrecking to suddenly chop it off shorter than your shoulders:b I'm still deciding whether I should maintain this hairstyle or let it grow out... Decisions decisions decisions :( Opinions? haha. Anyway, thank you guys for reading and hope you guys like my hairstyle :b?

Have a great weekend!

Love Rachel*