Yes my blog shall also be a ranting platform for me. I won't tell people to read my rants of course but writing out will help me feel a bit better. If someone visits my blog and sees my rant, hopefully some might give me some sort of advice at least.
Being able to have my career related to the ocean & the living creatures inside it has always been my life long dream. (Well, I know I've only been on this Earth for 18 years) At this point, I honestly can't see myself doing anything else than marine biology.
In all my previous posts, when I do blog about wanting to do marine biology, I might sound pretty damn confident about it. To be frank, I'm scared shitless and doubtful about my decision. Sometimes I'm even quite embarrassed to tell the adults when they ask me what I want to be. I was fortunate that some adults out there were really supportive of it but the other half, don't see it the same. Maybe it's the typical Asian mentality, I don't know.
My family members aren't FORCING me to choose a different career path but they are trying to convince me to do something else other than marine biology. They sometimes talk about it as if it's a joke and maybe a hint of mockery added into it. "She wants to talk the dolphins in the future" (It sounds more insulting in Cantonese, haha) Anyway, back to the point, when they say things like that, I get hurt. I know they just meant it as a joke but I can't help but to take it abit personally because it's something I strongly love and believe in. It demotivates me when they say things like that, it makes me doubt my choice even more. Yeah we shouldn't care what others say but this is my family and I care about their opinions and all so I do take what they say personally as well.
I'm not trying to bad mouth my family or anything like that, believe me when I say I love them more than anything else in the world. But it's just really hard to go after your dreams when the people you love and loves you don't really support it :/
I have people telling me to get a stable job first and then do marine biology when I have enough money blah blah blah. Basically, they want me to take a safe route first. What if I don't get a chance like that in the future anymore? What if I'm too busy with my family or with my "stable career" that I can't go after my dreams anymore? I'll spend my whole life wishing I went down the other road instead.
I'm not required to choose what to major in so quickly so when I'm in college, I promised myself to keep an open mind and who knows I might find something else that I really wanna do instead of marine biology. I might not be the Rachel that people knew in high school as the girl who wanted to associate her life with dolphins. Who knows? Only time will tell. Marine biology is a really really big field, it's getting more competitive and I might struggle to find a job in the end. People will tell me "I told you so" but that's okay, if I was too stubborn to listen then I'm willing to face the consequences of my own actions.
I've met this journalist from The Star once, she told me she wished she did marine biology instead but she was too afraid to pursue it. She told me to just go after it. I'm willing to take the leap of faith, for myself to go after my possible dream and for others who are too afraid to do what they really want. I'm going to take the risk. Your job is probably something you're going to be tied to for most of your life, so I hope to also find joy in it and not just earning money.
All in all, whatever decisions you make for your future should be all up to you and no one else. But you must also take full responsibility of your own actions. I guess you can never always make the right choices but that's okay, that's life for you I don't know, whether the decision I make will be the right one, I guess we'll find out sometime in the future. Meanwhile, I guess I'm just going to go with my heart. I want to live my life knowing that I did try going after my dream, and if it doesn't work out, hopefully, I will have another dream to go after. I just think it's better to try going after it than live your life not trying at all.
Anyway, thank you so much for hearing me out. I felt so much better after writing this:)
Love Rachel*
No comments:
Post a Comment