One last chance.

Keep telling yourself this (:

It's already 31st of December 2012. What have I been doing for the whole 2012? It's like everything just went by in a snap. For me 2012, was not that great or not that bad but of course I have made great memories with great people and there are moments that I will never forget (: Just wanna thank those who made my year so memorable!

It's officially a New Year when the clock strikes 12am tonight, a whole new year to go through and an awkward number too. 2013, feels kinda odd. Have you done your new year's resolutions? Well I haven't and I'm not gonna write down any this year because I failed last year's although I did achieve some but this year I'm just gonna go with the flow. I'll do my best to be organised though (: Every year, people say "It's a new year, a new me" or people talk about change in their life, changes in them etc and other people say "Why not change now? Why must you wait for 2013" and things like that. Well, to me, it's like there will be a starting point for you. Yeah it's true that you don't need to wait for a new year to begin again but it's entirely up to you on how you wanna see it. Any day and anytime can always be a new beginning, it's whether you're willing to start a new beginning for yourself. I have plans that I've made for the year 2013 and I can always start now instead of waiting but I choose the beginning of 2013 as my starting point so I can have time to prepare for it. This is how it works for me but really, it's up to you. Everyday, every minute, every moment is always available for a new beginning, remember that. You just need to make your first move and one thing will lead to another. 

Hopefully, 2013 will be a good year but what's life without up's and down's right? It would be boring. It's like a rollercoaster going straight all the time, that kinda ride sucks. You can hope that every year is a good year but there will always be something that will pull you down for sure so don't hope to be happy throughout the 365days of 2013 plus that's really creepy. It's just so wrong to be happy all the time :b Anyway, I have no idea what I'm expecting for the coming year. I seriously have no idea at all, I'll have a lot of things going on though but I hope for the best (: If things happen, it happens. I'm just gonna go along with it like how I did for all my years. Just make the best out of everything and try your best not to take things or people for granted because that's what 2012 has taught me and I wanna apply this lesson to my new year. All of you should too (: Try to put on a positive mindset, it really helps you to be a better person as it has already done for me but of course, always try to be better than who you already are. It's a new year and a fresh start so just plan things out and write your resolutions maybe for motivation and inspiration (:

I know it's not 12am yet but HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! I wish you all all the best for 2013 (: Can't wait to party tonightttt!!!

Love Rachel*

What's the point?

I was never mad, just hurt

Today was a good Friday for me! Enjoyed my day out with a friend (: Class list for 2013 came out today and I'm in 10 Theta. Everyone from every class were completely jumbled up and a part of me thinks that we're separated not because of subjects. I'm not sure how our school works but whatever. Anyway, quite a number of people are complaining or are unsatisfied with their completely new class because their friends aren't with them or they dislike some people in their class. I'm alright with my class I guess, not very satisfied but I'm not complaining either. I don't mind making new friends but the sad part is there are no new students but there are in other classes /: Damn. Anyway, I don't think people should swap classes because of friends or whatever, I mean, you're still in the same school and Sri Kl isn't very humongous either. You can always meet each other in the morning, break or lunch. Simple as that! It's not like you'll die if you don't see each other for 1 period or something, lol. We're put in different classes for a reason and not everything happens the way you want it to be. Just adapt to it and make new friends, it won't hurt (: You're gonna be in the class for 2 years only then you're off to college and right then, you won't even be in the same school with your mates so just appreciate the time you have together now. 

. 

Right now, I just feel distant from all my closest friends. It's damn saddening because whenever any of us have problems, we go to each other for help or when we just wanna chat or just to annoy the shit out of each other. Now, I don't have anyone to go to for help or no one comes to me for help or we don't even talk anymore /: All that kind of friendship I used to have with all my close friends, they are all fading and soon I'm gonna go solo. Again, friends come and go, you can't force any of them to stay, if they are meant to leave your life, they leave. People come and go, it's sad but true. If you want someone to stay, you can always fight for it, fight as hard as you can and if fate decides that you deserve that person, fate can change. It can always change through actions but if you try and that person still doesn't stay, he/she is meant to leave. Don't ever force something especially feelings. I try to approach my friends but I feel like I'm disturbing them or they don't respond to me. It's sad when you feel like none of your friends give a shit about you and when you got something going on, there's no one you can turn to anymore for help but be alone and just cry your eyes out. Right now, I don't have anyone to turn to, not even my best friends and I wish I can have them back but if they leave, they leave. If they do leave, I hope they are happy no matter what. Right now, I have no idea what I'm gonna do about my worries but I will think of a solution to it (:

If you do have a friendship problem right now, try your best to mend it if you want to save it but it takes 2 to fix it, just like in any other relationships. There's always a solution to everything, you just need to find the will and patience to do it. I guess that's most of our problems, we don't have patience because we feel like we have so many other things to worry about we forget that patience sometimes can actually be a cure to things. Try being patient and fix the problem because you want to, your heart needs to be there when you do it (:

Love Rachel*

Sadness flies on the wings of time.

This picture is somehow so heart-warming (:

How was everyone's day? Mine was not very productive I guess, as usual :b It feels really weird not training especially on a Wednesday. So Christmas is over and now I'm looking forward to New Year's! Parties during New year's are always da bomb well because it's a new beginning. Hopefully this year's New Year celebration will be awesome!

So I told my friend about the dream I had and he kinda made a psychological theory about it, it's kinda long but I'll just sum it up. First off, one of my family members (no idea who) reported me to be sent to a mental hospital and obviously I don't wanna be sent there so there were people chasing after me but finally I was tired and got caught and I was sent to some neighbourhood for the mental. This sounds stupid but bear with me, I mean, dreams can get pretty bizarre sometimes right? In this neighbourhood, everyone had their little house made out of ice that wouldn't melt and it was snowing since it was Christmas. It was really amazing the neighbourhood, it was pretty with the Christmas lights and all and for some reason people donated like a fortune to me and I had shit loads of money. I know that part doesn't make sense but I'll explain soon. So at the end of the bad dream, I was in paradise (:

Anyway, after I told this to my friend, he kinda came up with a theory and I have to say it was genius. This was that he said:

The family member who reported me- Someone close to me, could be a friend or whoever betrayed me. 

Me getting caught- I'm tired of being betrayed 

Me being sent to a new neighbourhood- I'm in a new place and I'm moving on

Me getting shit loads of money- I'm happy in the end

Not sure about what you guys think but I think it's a pretty smart theory. You always thought dreams were just dreams but now come to think of it maybe there are meanings behind your dreams. Not just some bizarre, out-of-the-world kind of dream but your life is behind all of it. It's like you're emotions are being told in a different story but you just don't notice it. It's a hidden meaning you know what I mean? And after my friend told me that, it really made sense because that is how I'm feeling right now. It doesn't need to be exactly the same but it relates somehow and it's really mindblowing. Maybe all along, all my weird dreams had a message or some sort of meaning to it. If not what are dreams for right? I've never thought of all of that until now. Think about your dreams, maybe that's why they say dreams do come true, I'm not sure. Try to find the meaning behind all your dreams (: 

Oh and here's a poem:

Sweet memories came flooding into my mind,

I still remember how you hugged me from behind.

When you pull me in & hug me tight,

Being in your arms just felt so right.

I rubbed my nose to your chest to take in your sweet smelling scent,

As you whisper to me words that you meant.

Your warmth surrounded me like a mist,

Then you top it all off with a soft, meaningful kiss.

I want to forever stay in your arms,

and to be safe from all harms. 

But I know all of this was just temporary,

I can't leave you so effortlessly.

You stare at me with confusion,

As I pull away to tell you my final decision.

I tried so hard to stay strong but you make me weak,

Your fingers wipe away the tears that wet my cheeks.

I pulled myself together to say those hurtful words,

After this, what more can be worse?

Two life-changing words escaped my mouth, "I'm leaving"

I turn and walk away, quietly sobbing.

A part of me feels so empty,

and I want to run back to you so badly.

A piece of my heart will be with you wherever,

But I know that our love will not last forever.

Love Rachel*

Merry Christmas

All I want for Christmas is a body like that.

Merry Christmas everyone! So how was everyone's day? Christmas wasn't as bad as I thought it would be because last year I had a crappy Christmas and I thought this year's would end up the same but it wasn't as bad (: Spent my day at Sunway with sisters, "brother-in-law" (he self-declared it), Shan Li and Ao Xiang. My pool and laser tag skills improved, wooh! I got first for laser tag and I was surprised myself :b

Oh, I didn't get any Christmas presents this year but that's what Christmas isnt all about right? (: Mum gave me RM 100 but I think she did that because she doesn't want us to ask for more money, haha :b Anyway, not gonna blog about anything inspiring today because I'm gonna game soon and it's Christmas, hehe. Sorry if I disappointed any of my loyal readers x)

Once again, Merry Christmas to all of you and may God bless you all!

Love Rachel*

Despo

No kitty! Hold on! ): Do you not feel sad when you look at this? I do </3

Source http://imanasoh.tumblr.com/post/35938821521

Hey hey everybodeh. How's your supposedly "end-of-the-world-day" coming along? Mine's pretty normal, certainly not a productive day at all. It's raining here and according to my friend it's raining in subang as well. People are tweeting that the weather today is pretty unusual and I have to kinda agree there or maybe it's just that everyone's mind is set on "world ending" mode. I don't know. The world might not have ended in the morning but it might end anytime soon or maybe at 11.59pm, who knows? People should only start deciding whether the world has ended if tomorrow comes. For now, just sit your ass down with your mouth shut and wait (:

Anyway, right now, I'm having a dilemma on whether I should take Add Maths or not. I've been asking advice from people and some of them say I should take and some of them say I shouldn't so I'm pretty much in the middle now. I'm super confused. I'm just afraid that if I DO take it then I'll struggle like mad. I mean, it's bad enough I already struggle when I'm doing basic maths and I'll fall behind. If I DON'T take it then I'm afraid if I have to go to college, it might affect me or make me struggle. Ah, the confusion! I really really don't know and I have less than a week to decide before the class list comes out. If you have your own opinions or advice, please let me know? ): Some advice would really help right now.

My grandma is currently doing all the housework because my maid is back in the Philippines at the mean time and that also means washing our own plates, taking down our laundry, folding our own clothes and arranging them etc. I'm not complaining, okay, maybe a bit because I get kinda lazy sometimes but I have no choice but to do it. Plus, my heart aches when I see my grandma doing all the housework )': I wish I was more independent at times and make housework a part of my daily routine. Like learn from young to take down the laundry and bring up your clothes to your room until it becomes a part of your daily life and it's not work anymore. You just do it because your mind tells you to and unlike now I do it because there's no one who can do it for me. Do you get me? And if we go overseas to further our studies, how hard will it be and will you have the time for housework + studies? You have your damn assignments to worry about and your cleanliness or whatever you call it at the same time. It sounds pretty fun and all but if you have to keep doing it, will you get lazy and maybe forget to do your laundry? Or hopefully you'll adapt to it. Will it even be a problem for you in the first place? *shrugs* I guess it depends on how fast people can adapt to their situations or how independent they are. If you don't adapt fast I suggest you start helping with the housework at home, maybe start by washing your plates after your meals. How hard can it be right? Oh, remember you have to cook your own meal because it's pretty unhealthy eating out all the time so you might wanna learn to cook something simple too.

I'm not sure whether I went off topic but who cares! Let's us all start helping with chores today! (:

How despo can you be? I'm so embarrassed for you.  

Love Rachel*

It's the end.

OMG it's the 21st of December tomorrow! The world's gonna end! Aaaahhh!

To be honest, I don't think the world's gonna end tomorrow. Neither it will end in 10 years or even in a 100 years but maybe in a 1000 years. The world WILL end one day but not tomorrow but it will end long after I'm dead and gone. If the world ends then it ends, you can do nothing to change it anyway. If the world ends tomorrow, I'll probably quickly drug myself to sleep because I don't wanna feel any pain before I die. Haha. But if I had to choose between drowning in the huge ass tsunami, get buried underneath mud, squished by a fallen ceiling, die in a fire, stampeded by panicking people or etc, I'd picked.... Hmm, this is tough. I definitely don't wanna die in a fire or get stampeded over. Drowning is a bit scary because you're like suffocating but getting buried is most likely the same thing too... If you get squished by a fallen ceiling, you'll die straight right? Okay, I guess I'll go with falling ceiling. How would you rather die?

I'm not sure how many people are doing YOLO things today because they think the world's gonna end but everyone on twitter seems like they are carrying on with their normal lives so that's good (: People shouldn't do all the things they always wanted to because it's their "last" day. Shouldn't you live everyday like it's your last day? Cliche but super true. Not to sound mean or whatever but seriously, we can die anytime. We can die from slipping in the bathroom, car crash and everything else. Anything can happen but people don't stick that thought in their heads and that's why we take everything for granted until some Mayan Calendar tells us that the world's gonna end. Lol. Appreciate and be grateful for your loved ones, the things other people can't have, the better life you have than some and whatever it is. You can lose any of this right now or whenever without realising it and when you do realise it, it's too damn late. 

So you get my point in the end, don't appreciate everything just because the world's gonna end. Yeah, we all tend to forget and take things for granted but try your best to remember. Short post for today I guess (: I'm too sleepy! If the world's gonna end today then happy last post :b HAHA.

Happy living  (:

Love Rachel*

Not guilty

In the water is where I wanna be. 

The weekend is here, whoop. I totally forgot I was going for a midnight movie, gonna watch the Hobbit. Will let you guys know how it goes ;) So, last night was Sri Kl's prom night for the seniors! Gonna miss my Cyrens seniors the most. All the best to them <3

Anyway, like I said yesterday, I'm gonna blog about girl-guy best friends. A lot of girls have guy best friends, it's pretty much normal. There's nothing wrong with it but again, there are complications when you're best friends with the opposite sex. Some people, they become best friends, yeah, seems pretty simple until one of them starts falling for each other. That's where it gets complicated. If you're the one falling for your best friend, you wouldn't know what to do would you? You either tell him/her you like them and hope they feel the same way or you keep quiet about it but fall for them even harder everytime. Let's just say you decide to keep it a secret because you don't wanna ruin your friendship, that's cool but how would you feel in the inside? You would be dying to tell them that you like them and you wanna be with them. You would feel upset inside because your feelings are building up and you fall for them even harder. Now, let's say you've decided to tell them that you like them. Okay what's most likely gonna happen?

A: Your best friend likes you back but what if you guys break up and things get awkward after that? You might lose that friendship you two used to have. 

OR 

B: Your best friend doesn't like you back and he/she starts drifting away from you. Likely, you'll lose you friendship and again, thing's gonna get awkward.

But that doesn't mean there's no solution to these kind of situations.If you do like your best friend, this is what you should do. Don't make a move unless you're so positively sure that he/she likes you back and you're willing to accept the consequences after that but don't make a move if you're unsure. In fact, you should never make a move if you're unsure about your feelings. You're taking a huge risk there. if you like him/her and don't wanna say anything yet, just distance yourself for a bit and decide what you wanna do about your feelings. Weigh out the pros and cons maybe (: In the end, you still have to decide for yourself on how you want things to turn out. Who knows, maybe you'll have a long lasting relationship together or maybe he/she won't drift off even if you told them about how you felt. You won't know how things will turn out, that's the fun part of life (: Sometimes it sucks, yeah but if it happens, it happens. 

Well, I have a guy best friend and things are cool between us (: We've been friends for 13 years, almost 14 now. I'm really grateful to have him and I hope our friendship lasts super long. Hopefully 'til the day we die :b  Thanks bud for everything you've helped me with and hope I've been a good best friend to you. I'm dedicating this post to him because he told me to. Am I the bestest friend in the whole damn world or what? Love ya Al! 

Everyone look, that's my best friend :D 

Hey good lookin' , what's cookin' ;) 

Love Rachel*

Help?

Let me sink to the bottom of the ocean. No one can find me there.

Source: http://hydrotoxicity.tumblr.com/post/23764068589

Late update for today because I just got home from tuition and I just had my dinner. Anyway, I went for Cheer Jam today and tried out a lot of new stunts! Stunts that I didn't know was possible for me to do (:

Recently I've been feeling the tension I have with my best friends. We're very distant now because we don't whatsapp everyday like how we used to and when we go out, honestly, it feels very awkward. Yeah you're not suppose to feel awkward with your best friends but I don't know why. Maybe it's just me I guess. Sometimes, I think, maybe I shouldn't have any best friends to avoid feeling this way, to avoid complications and misunderstanding. Just be close friends you know. You're still close but not super close. We're the same gender so I feel like there's a competition between us sometimes. (If you're best friend is the opposite sex, well, that's a whole different story to tell about. I'll bring it up next time) It's like we're competing for something but I have no idea what is it. I'm not trying to say I don't like them, of course not. I love them very much and they've done so much to support me and they've been there for me. I hope you get what I'm trying to say. Honestly, how do you define best friend? People can define "best friend" very differently. For example, if someone hangs out with you super often that means you guys are best friends or I can tell him/her everything it means you're best friend or it could be other meanings as well, I don't know?

How do I define best friend? Best friend to me is someone who you could tell all your secrets to, stick together, trust that she/he will be there for you when they need you, prioritise you as a best friend, who won't judge you no matter what you do, so on and so forth. To be honest, I sometimes cannot fulfill these duties as a best friend as well and it makes me upset knowing I've disappointed them. That's what I want to avoid, sometimes I just cannot fulfill my duties and it's unfair on my part. Frankly, there are just some things I can't tell my best friends as well because what if they think differently about me and things? And again, it's my fault there. I can't trust my own best friend to not judge me if I tell them my darkest secrets. It's true, you don't need to tell them every single shit but some things you are just so willing to say and you're too afraid that they will judge you maybe not physically but in their minds. See, there are so much complications to such a simple friendship that is why people will often walk in and out of your life. You don't keep them there, you don't give them a reason to maintain friends so you let 'em go and you become awkward acquaintance or just strangers. At this point, I don't know whether I should remain best friends and try to cure that tension or just stay close friends. What if that tension comes back? What if I need them one day and they won't be there? What if they need me and I won't be there? All the possibilities that could happen in a friendship. Please, we haven't even talked about relationships yet and it's way way more complicated than a regular friendship.

So what do I do? Can someone help me? I haven't said anything to them because I really don't know what to do. I hope you all think through this too. If your friendship with someone has been rocky or whether your best friend is really your best friend or have you been doing your part as someone else's best friend properly? Think about it.

What the fuck are you trying to imply?

Love Rachel*

Radioactive

At a dark corner I was at,

tucking my knees to avoid crawling rats.

Footsteps are getting closer,

I shut my eyes tighter.

Please don't find me I prayed,

He is the one I am most afraid.

Tears of fear sting my eyes, 

Sealing my lips so he doesn't hear my cries.

A black figure appears before me, 

and maybe this will set me free. 

Our eyes met and I know it's done, 

with only the help of a single gun. 

An evil smirks dances across his face, 

To let me know that I've lost our final race. 

Even if I could I do nothing to resist, 

but I wish mama would give me one last kiss.

My knuckles go white while awaiting my death,

and all I had to take was just one last breath. 

Bang. 

Love Rachel*

12.12.12

It will be my turn one day.

Source: http://lawve-life.tumblr.com/post/14524725726

Happy 12.12.12 everyone! I know it's not a special day or whatever but it's a cool date! I watched on the news that a lot of people got married or got together today. Honestly, does the date really matter in the end? It's about the love you create with your partner right? Or maybe it's because it's easier to remember the anniversary dates, I don't know. You get my point, in the end, dates don't matter because you're suppose to live every second like it's your last second! I know, 12.12.12 is still a cool date. Not to mention it's the final repetitive dates until the next thousand years! I wish I did something special today but I didn't. Just another typical day, sigh... Moving on, don't worry. I'm not gonna blog about that.

Last night I was watching Youtube videos of a girl singing covers and my self-esteem kinda went down well because the girl has a good voice, pretty and plays darn well on the guitar. I know you'll probably be thinking, "It's typical." Yeah it's typical but this girl lives in the same city as me and is the same age as me. Somehow it pulls me down because I always compare myself with people at my level, as in, same age and stuff. Well she has 6oo subscribers and that's a lot for a Malaysian youtuber. HAHA. No, seriously, that's a lot. As I watch her videos, I think to myself, "Damn, why can't I sing as good and play a guitar? I wish I was just as talented." I know all of us wish to be just as talented as famous singers, dancers, artists, athletes etc and when we see them in action, our self-esteems are flushed down the toilet. We just want to be as good as people, I'm sorry to be a buzzkill but there will always be someone better than us out there. You can be better than someone but there WILL be people better than you. You have to face that. 

I believe that everyone is talented in something, even if it is something super small and not famous. Regardless, it's still a talent and everyone will find their talent someday. Some discover their talents really late, some really early but I believe that each and everyone of us is good at something. If you're those negative thinkers, at this point you'll probably think, "I don't have a talent and I'll never have one" Well duh, because you keep thinking like that! You need that energy in you to drive yourself to search for your talent. You're not gonna suddenly become a tremendous artist by sitting down and staring at the ceiling stupid. You have to will yourself to look for the talent in you! Okay, if you're talented in something, good for you, I'm glad you found your talent but just remember that talent will only take you so far. (My friend told me this and I found it really inspiring) You know what will take you damn far in life? Hardwork. Hardwork will take you far because you put so much effort into improving your talent and like they all say "Hardwork pays off" Hell yeah it does. 

If someone else's talent pulls you down, don't just sit there.Make it as an inspiration for yourself to search harder for that talent and work super hard when you get it (: Everyone has a talent, common or not. You wanna be a model? Lose some pounds and start giving a shit about your face. You wanna be an awesome guitarist? Go take guitar lessons and practice everyday! If you fail at it, maybe it's not meant for you then you're meant for something else but that doesn't mean you should give up straight away. You want that talent, fight for it. Fail and try again, fail and try again. Be a failure that will never give up (:

Hopefully I'm not off topic but who cares.
PS: I still think my traffic news feed is lying to me.
PSS: If you're really reading this, I appreciate it so much because this blog really needs some readers for support! Please let me know that you dropped by, means a lot! xx 

I won't let you take my happiness away.

Love Rachel*

Lose weight. Whut?

Runaway with me to paradise

Source: http://great-freedom.com/

Either my traffic news feed is lying to me or I suddenly have so many foreigners looking at my blog. Haha. Again, does it matter? Anyway, counting down til the end of holidays? Less than a month. Have I done productive things? Hmm, you could say I did do some productive things, better than nothing though ;) Have I half completed the things on my to-do-list. Nope, not even half, scratch that, not even a quarter. Why did I make the to-do-list in the first place? I forgot my time is all consumed by my training. What's new right?

So, I've been seeing pictures of people clubbing, smoking, tweeting about weed and they are under 18. First of all, you're under 18, okay fine. Who gives a fuck if you're under 18, no one. If you're under 18, do you think it's cool to do all those? Honestly, I think it's cool. It is actually I dare say but if I were doing those things underage I rather you know, not post in up on social network for the whole world to know because

• A. You're gonna get arrested and shit if authorities find out
• B. People are gonna talk about you "He's only 15 and he's smoking, is he trying to act cool? Act your     age please" 
• C. Other girls might turn you down "Omg, that guy smokes? Ew, I so don't wanna kiss him" (Sound's fake but it happens) 
• D. You're giving yourself a bad name in your teens. I mean it's bad enough drama happens a lot in our teen life so you might wanna maintain your reputation there. 

I'm not saying doing all those stuff is bad, heck, I might try it someday, who knows? But I think it's better to not let the whole world know for now. Announce it when you're old enough. It just really gives a bad impression of yourself to other people. I know, we're suppose to be like, "Who gives a shit about what people say" Yeah, it's true but giving a good impression and being judged are two different things. You wanna smoke, go secretly smoke, don't walk down the streets with a cigarette in your hand. No. Just no. Honestly, it's just so stupid. A friend of mine posted an instagram picture of the word "Cocaine" and captioned it "Cocaine <3" Hold on, are you trying to tell the public you take cocaine or are you trying to make people think you take cocaine? Either way, still very childish and gives yourself a bad impression. 

In the end, do all those shit when you're old enough. No one's stopping you just please, act your age, it's the only way you will get respect. Don't needa scare people with all your badass drinking, smoking and shit. Lol. 

Now you know why I'm blogging. It's because I was INSPIRED~ Peace out

You didn't mean what you say, did you?

Love Rachel*

My turn.

Super duper cute!

Dead. Blog. Much. It's the holidays after all and again, who the hell reads it. I probably should just delete it. What was I thinking making a blog when no one would read. haha. Just gonna do my usual rambling. Just came back from Total Gym outdoor camp yesterday! The camp was pretty awesome and made some firsts there. Had to crawl in the mud under barbed wires like those soldiers in movies, made a fire, pushed a van which the wheel go stuck in a hole under the rain, experienced flood while some of the instructors kayak-ed (haha), shower outdoors, waterfall abseiling. It was truly a great first experience! Oh forgot to mention that my slipper went together with the flood /: So sad... I had to borrow Jun Yu's slippers in the end but went home barefoot. I would write a lot but I'm so lazy. HAHA! Anyway, I injured my ankle on Saturday during gym so I guess I have to rest for the moment. Boo.

Okay, I'm just so lazy now. LOL. Gonna stop blogging because I need to beat someone's ass in fruit ninja.

Love Rachel* 

I. Don't. Care.

Well no one reads my blog so I guess I won't be asking unanswered questions :b It's only the third week of holiday. It's passing pretty slow or quick I actually don't know but once school reopens I'll probably complain about how fast holiday has past. What have I been doing with my holidays so far? Well, just trainings mostly. I've hung out with my friends but not as much. That's okay, it's good to be at home sometimes although it can be really boring.

I cleaned my room today. I estimated that I would only take 3 hours max to clean it. Start from 1pm and maybe end at 3pm but, I WAS WRONG. I started at 12.45pm and finished at 6pm so I took about 6 hours. I literally spent my whole afternoon and evening cleaning my room but it was worth it. It's neat and looks more spacious! I just can't imagine myself being that messy but it's messy cause of my pig sister! Messy person she is but I can't put the full blame on her because sometimes I just don't really care where I put my stuff. hehe. I was sweating like mad and I was wearing a white tank top. Cleaned all the dust and everything in a white tank top. Stupid decision right? I had fun cleaning my room with my maid and sisters though. My maid can be such a diva soemtimes, posing with the bags and all our accessories. Very grateful to have her (: There's nothing much to blog about. Oh yeah, gonna go badminton with the mates tomorrow! (Hopefully) and I have to wake up super early so I don't lose the stupidest bet in the world.

Goodnight lovelies!

Love Rachel*

Stop it.

Let's live life upside down
Source: http://resido.tumblr.com/

I'm kinda losing track on what day and date it is. LOL. I think it's cause everyday is kinda the same so we just forget about everything else. There's nothing much to blog about because holidays are pretty boring and the daily training kinda makes it worse. I'm motivated to train but not under other people. I rather push myself and train myself then be forced to train by someone else. Some people maybe find it easier to train under like trainers/coaches because they can't push themselves but it's also more productive.

I'm currently waking up early in the morning during weekdays to go for a jog. I'm doing it partially because of a stupid bet I made with Mark. Why did I agree to the bet in the first place, I don't know why. I think it's because I don't wanna seem like a coward which I'm not but it benefits me anyway. I hope from this I'll produce good results. Lose weight, slim down and increase my stamina. My stamina sucks like hell, seriously. I hate stamina work but I have to push myself because it'll help me in so many things. I really hope I can go further than my current distance. I wish I can keep running (although I hate it so much) and never get tired. Then I can run far far away hopefully far away from reality but I know that is impossible.

I don't know what I'm rambling on about but whatever :b Forgive me. I'm gonna go now.

Love Rachel*

Confusion

Sorry I haven't been updating. It's the holidays so I'm either really busy or really lazy :b Forgive me. And again, no one reads my blog so why do I even bother. lol. Quick update since it's pretty late and I'm starving like hell. Having friends over right now so I don't wanna be so anti-social spending time on my blog and all.

Goodnight and Happy Holidays (: 

Love Rachel*

One last time.

I'll miss everyone so much... </3

Today begins our long holidays until school reopens for the year 2013. Yesterday was the last day of school with my classmates. It breaks my heart to know that I won't have the exact same classmates again. I'm just praying that I'll be in the same class with some of them. I don't want the Zeta bond to be broken because it means so much to me. I'm just scared of the fact that everyone will be awkward next year, like we won't react the same when we see each other like how we are in class... Sigh. I'm just praying so hard that I'll still be just as close with my classmates but I know that it will be quite impossible because everyone will go on their own ways </3 I've made so much memories with this silly class. I wouldn't trade my classmates for anything. They've really shaped me to become who I am today. None of them were a bad influence on me and hopefully I'm not a bad influence to them as well.

I'm just so afraid of next year. Afraid of who my classmates will be and afraid of the things education will throw at me. I rather have new students then have students from other classes. I guess I'm too attached to my classmates now. It sucks that I only got closer to the boys in my class during Penang trip and it was almost the end of the year. At least it was better than nothing. I'll never forget any of them because all of my Zeta classmates have a spot in my mind (: Let us all just pray for the best that'll our friendship will maintain until the day we die. Once a Zetanian, forever a Zetanian.

"One Family, 

One Soul"

I love you Zeta <3
R.I.P Zeta'10 ~ Zeta'12

Love Rachel* 

Letting go.

It's true (:
Source: www.idareyoutoclickthistumblr.com

You'll be alright
Source: weheartit.com

Monday blues~ Nah, I had a good Monday! Just gonna blog a bit about what I did in school today then I'll blog something inspiring later (hopefully). Well, played cards and oh! Drew graffiti with Mark and it turned out pretty awesome! You could say it's one of my best graffiti work. I could do better but just need the right materials ): I need to get shit loads of sharpies! Went to eat butter prawns with Shan, Chun Ee and my two sisters. It was not bad I guess. Hung out with Kae Wen a bit and now I'm here (: Okay, I'm gonna be blogging something inspiring because it's what I'm going through now. Long post alert but bare with me, please :c ?

As some of you may I know I've broken up with my boyfriend who I've been with for 1 year 8 months about a month ago. I sure went through a lot of shit times and just breaking down, crying my eyes out. I still get upset when I think about it so I try my best to distract myself from it as much as possible. People tell me to move on but it sure ain't easy at all. Yeah, I'll move on but I just need time so chill. Right now I'm always trying my best to be positive about things. To me, I think there's a reason for everything that happens. You ask God, why do terrible things like that happen to us but you know probably there's always something good out of it. So that's what I'm looking for I guess, something good to happen out of this break up. It definitely made me stronger and it taught me how to pick people careful because not everyone seem to be who they are. I always had a problem with trusting people. I do trust people but only to a certain limit depending who you are to me.

Well, the road I'm going through right now ain't easy. I have to overcome the obstacles which are letting go and moving on. I'm still holding on to the sweet memories I had with him but I know sooner or later they'll just be memories and I'll make more memories with someone else. But I know at the end of this terrible journey, I'll be at a bright destination. Be at a place where I want to be and will benefit me. I've got to accept the consequences with a strong heart. I have to be strong inside and out. I can't rely on him for happiness, you can't really on anyone for happiness. People will fail you and you will fail people. This is how it works. Life won't always become how you picture it. I always thought that I'll have a long relationship with him but what happen happened. Come on, I'm just 15. It would be silly of me to get over depressed about things like that. There's so many things out there instead of being in a relationship. That's what people have to understand. You're still young and there's so much more to explore in this world (: Old or young you'll always be loved so why fear? I promised myself that I won't let a boy tear me down like that, I'll do anything to keep my pride on the line.

So to those who's going through a break up, girl or boy. Put a smile on your face because a smile does make everything better (: No one said it was ever easy to move on but we have to. It's not healthy for you to keep holding onto the past because you'll never be able to give yourself a chance to have a brighter future. Start with baby steps and you'll be where you wanna be. You've got to accept whatever you're going through but remember, everything happens for a reason and you'll gain something good out of it for sure.

I hope my post helped, I guess. It sure helped me though. That's all for today I guess!

Love Rachel*

Once in a lifetime

I'll miss you little Faruk <3

Source: http://hkangela.tumblr.com/

Hey hey! What an awesome Thursday! It rhymes you see :D Today the class and I went to the kids' school. I forgot the name ): Their school was definitely nothing like ours. It was 3 storeys high, with only two fans at each floor, broken facilities and fairly clean toilets. But what made the building so happy to be in was the kids. They seem so happy, they don't complain about how hot the room was and they just go with whatever they have. I had a great bonding time with Faruk and I'll never forget that boy. He's so smart, handsome and very generous. I'll never forget him because he gave me a life changing experience and I thank him so so much for that. He is such a bright kid and I know that he'll be very successful in the future. Please, I would so adopt him but I don't want to take him away from his family as well. I gave him a polaroid and wrote his name in graffiti so that he'll remember me (: I really wish he'll remember because I know he'll always be in my heart. I had a very special bond with him (well I felt that way) and I wouldn't trade what I had with him for anything. 

I taught a few kids how to do the Spongebob move but I doubt they could get it. I'm really happy that they tried though and they seem to like my dance moves but I don't think I'm a very good dancer. It made me really happy that they enjoyed the time. We were all blasting music, singing and dancing. Everyone was pretty wild but they loved it! haha! Faruk really did dance his heart out and it made me really happy. I would want to see him this happy always. He has played a huge part of my life and I wanna see him again. He's like a little brother to me and will always be one to me in my heart. He taught me how to speak Myammar which was so damn difficult but I gave my best and he did pretty well when I taught him Chinese (: I am so proud of that little boy. 

Dear Faruk, I doubt you're reading this but I hope you like the things I gave you. Just remember that your kakak here will never forget you and I hope you'll never forget me either. Please study hard and I can't wait to see you become super successful in the future! I'll miss you very much dear. Take care and I'll see you soon! (Sadly I can't post a picture because we're not allowed to give away their identities but for the record, this boy is super handsome)

Love Kakak Rae*

Unexpected bond

Hey everyone! Sorry I haven't blogged in so long (please,like anyone reads it). I just came back from my Penang trip and guess what? It was SO FUDGING AWESOME. I had so so much fun and I definitely grew closer to some people. I'm very thankful for that, got a chance to bond and experience different things during the trip (: I forgot about all the bad things which was good, thank God. But now I'm back and there's nothing to distract me, all the bad memories are coming back. I really wish I could turn back time and stay in that moment forever. I wouldn't trade those special moments I had for anything! My body is still super sore from the jet ski ride because I keep tensing my body so I wouldn't fall but Mark almost killed me, TWICE. Overall, I just had damn a lot of fun. Sleeping super late, long walks at the beach with friends, beach sports, gambling, watersports and definitely the bond we all had together (: ah, blogging about it just wants me to reverse everything! Sigh...

Anyway, we've got some Myammar refugees visiting our school and we were all assigned to a kid. The kid I'm mentoring is called Faruk. He is super adorable and he is such an amazing kid! We had a bond like never before and I'm so thankful that I met him. I'm visiting him tomorrow in his school so I hope to know more about him. I'm pretty sure I'll have a life-changing experience meeting all of this kids. Will blog more about it tomorrow guys!

Hsiang Lin taking a picture of her with my back, haha!

The mini island there!

Everyone in the picture went parasailing except Saffron.

Indian food night! The fried squid was ze best!

Viper! This ride was shit awesome man!

The end of our trip )':

For now, goodbye and I'll be back (:

Love Rachel*

Subway delivery, whaaaa?

My three favourite men. Ugh. DAMMMM. they fineeeeeeee! <3

Class trip tomorrow, whaddup! Can't wait, can't wait, can't wait! The bad part is I'm having my period. Uterus lining Y U BREAK AT THE WRONG TIME! Ppfftt... So pissed at my uterus lining right now. Awkward but whatever! Not sure whether I'm gonna wear a bikini :b Gotta pack soon and I can't wait!

Feeling quite overwhelmed and excited :D Short post because I'm super distracted right now. See you!

HASTA LA VISTA BABY!

Love Rachel*

Now and forever, I'll be your girl

Let's jump into the pool of happiness!

Source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/sprppl/5188489190/in/faves-laurynh/

EXAMS ARE OVER! FUCK YEAH! Officially free for the year! Sad part is I only have about 1 month with my class or even less than that, how sad. I'll forever miss my Zeta mates. I'll be separated from my classmates because of the streaming. Damn /: Hope I'll be in the same class with some of my friends.

I have so many things to do in my to-do-list after exams! So excited man! The seniors are leaving school, gonna miss some of my senior friends so much especially the bimbos in Cyrens'12. They've been such a big part of me and I'm gonna miss some of my seniors ): Wishing all the seniors the best in your future life.

Anyway, since now exam is already over. Back to the normal life I had. Cheer, sports sports. Bleh. On the bright side, I can read my novels now. Teehee! Ugh, should I paint my toe nails? I DON'T KNOW! So many things going through my head right now. I'M GOING MADDDDD!!


Ciao Motherfos! Happy After exams y'all!

You'll forever be in my heart

Love Rachel*

Using it against me.

Play dead. 

Source: http://p3aceful.tumblr.com/

Boring Monday. Boring Monday. Boring Monday. Tomorrow is my last day of finals then I will be officially free for the year! Well free of exams of course but not free from cheer or gym or ballet. haha! I'm always locked up in cheer until I quit of course. Gym is fun but I have to prepare for MSSS & MSSM. Ballet is nice as well because I keep pushing myself to improve.

Class trip is in like four fucking days! Can't wait to escape from everything. Just want to go have fun (:

I'm really not in the mood to blog because I'm depressed and I'm pretty sure no one wants to hear me complain and mourn again yes? So goodbye /:

Love Rachel*

Killed me silently

Don't mind me

Source: http://pandagirl313.tumblr.com/

I feel like I'm going through the most torturous moment of my life right now. I feel so empty. Lonely. Hurt. Exams are tomorrow, shoot me already. I hate what I'm going through now. It's as tough as shit. I know I have to be damn strong and keep moving forward. People tell me, "move on". It's not as easy you know. If it was I would have done that straight away and not needing to go through this shit. It sucks like hell. It makes me moody, angry and so depressed. Whenever I see those girls, I just want to go right up to them and slap their face so hard and stab them repeatedly with whatever I got. You have no idea how much it angers. You happy bitches? You contributed to this. I just want to shoot you all in the heart.

Sorry, I'm normally not very mean. I don't do this. But I am a dark person inside. You have no idea.
Oh and I change my tumblr to www.empty-pages.tumblr.com

Are as hurt as I am? Or you just don't really give a fuck.

Love Rachel*

Look away

Not at all to be frank.

Source: http://crystallised-mermaids.tumblr.com

Short post today. I don't really have much to say because I'm not in the mood to talk or say anything. On the bright side, I got my front pike-ish layout full twist, standing landing. I was really happy when I achieved that skill. If you don't know what I'm talking about just forget it. I'm just talking about a skill in gymnastics I manage to get for floor exercise. Class trip to Penang is next Friday, can't wait to just have fun and forget about everything else. My mind is too full. Occupied and there isn't any space left for happiness. Sigh.

Finals begin on Monday but ends on Tuesday, thank god.

I'll blog more shit when I feel better. I'm just going through a rough time and I can't help it. It's a huge deal for me.

Can I survive without you?

Love Rachel*

Another day

The sun will come up again.

Source:http://cosmicallybeautiful.tumblr.com/ 

The weather right now suits my feelings perfectly.

I'm stuck in the world of misery. 

No sunshine to brighten up your day.

Lightning to remind you of your pains

Constant thundering so no one can hear you cry.

The never ending rain pouring down to hide your tears.

But I hope after this pouring rain the sun will come out. 

Where sunshine will take its place again.

Where rainbows will distract you from all your sorrows.

Where the birds will show you that you're free from misery.

And the wide green space to be filled with happiness again. 

A reason to have hope.

Love Rachel*

Shouldn't be good in goodbye

I'm kissing you goodbye.

CHECKPOINTS ARE OVER! But that doesn't mean freedom because we still have finals. Sucks, I know! I know can do so many things I always wanted to! Can't wait and I'm damn excited for my class trip to Penang. I have to choose the subjects I want to take for Year 10 but I'm kind of having dilemmas between few subjects. I hope I'll make the  right decision. I would write a longer post but right now I really need to poop. I don't care if you feel awkward. It's human nature!

0 days. 

Love Rachel*

You threw me away

Lost or freedom?

Had checkpoints today! Wrote so much my hand got cramps during English and Science paper. I had a bad headache during English paper 2 because we had to quote a lot from passages and that means a lot of writing and copying. I found it really irritating, lol. Copy and write repeatedly. The papers were quite easy, I won't say very easy because I don't want to be overconfident. I see everyone on twitter tweeting, "OMG, I GOT 1 MISTAKE", "Hope I can get full marks!" and I'm over here praying that I get more than 5.5 for my papers. Did I set my expectations too low? I just don't know what to expect at all, seriously. After the exams I didn't feel anything, I just felt like sleeping. Haha! I just want all my papers to be higher than 5.5.

Three more papers to go, can't wait! But there's still finals. Geography, history, pointless ICT & literature. Ms Wanda who is my literature would probably give me a D again. She's a terrible teacher, seriously. You get coursework marks for copying. Yes it sounds like a pretty easy way to gain marks but you have to copy shit loads of summaries which at the end no one would even read. I would show you my literature exercise book if I could. I have a fairly nice handwriting but if you see my literature book, you probably thought a 7 year old had spasms while writing it. She doesn't even mark our work, it's so effing stupid. She might be one of the English teachers for Year 10 & 11. I rather have Paramjeet or any other teacher, no way in hell I want Wanda as my teacher. I'll fail English -.-

Forget that first, gonna do my best for tomorrow! (:

Time is running out,

and all I can do is pout.

I have to face the fact that I'm losing you,

This is reality, this is the truth.

As the days get closer, 

Do you think, "Am I going to lose her?" 

The thought of it makes me broken

When I tell you I'll go frozen. 

Are those lies from your mouth? 

Your hurtful words are pulling me south. 

I don't know how to feel,

all these thinking is making me ill. 

In the end it's all for the best,

let nature take care of the rest.

1 day and counting... Goodbye love.

Love Rachel*

Nag nag nag

This is so coool!

Source:http://cineraria.tumblr.com/post/33226113745

Just a quick update before I proceed to do my things (: Today we had a briefing about what's gonna happen during checkpoints and blah blah blah. It was a bit boring because the usual rules were explained. I don't like my seat in the examination hall but what to do, rules are rules, pfftt. At least I won't be THAT cold during the exams. YAY!

Checkpoints begin on Monday, needa read my notes until my brain explodes. Ugh. I'm actually more focused on the things I'm gonna do after checkpoints instead of worrying about my finals. I will study but exams are over. No one would give a fuck anyway. Everyone will be like, "screw this shit" I would take the finals serious but not as serious as I always do. Oh you know how we have to choose subjects for next year? I'm still so confused but at least I know what I'm aiming for. I actually hate Physics but I'm super interested in things that fucks with your brain and you only can find all that in Physics. I guess I'll give it a go but it's good to learn basic Physics if not I will struggle in college. There are so many things to look forward to in school and I can't wait although I don't wanna deal with all the studying. It's gonna suck but it's gonna be fun as well at the same time (:  Leonard said that he's scared to migrate to overseas because you might be considered as an outcast and whatever which is kind of true. But you know what? You have to fight your way for the sake of your future. It's gonna be shit hard but it'll be worth it in the end (:

I'll definitely blog more in the future (after exams for sure) Good luck to all the students taking exams out there! Work hard & play hard!

Love Rachel*

Peer pressure? What?

It's okay to be alone sometimes. 

Source: http://dotsrt.tumblr.com/post/26782616585

Tomorrow's a Friday! No shit. The weekend is coming which means closer to exams, sadness but at the same time closer to freedom! Wooh. I just had 3 servings of Tau Fu Kang. It's a Chinese soup-ish dish. It's so delicious and it was my grandma's first time cooking it. Clap for my grandma everyone! (: *applause*

I skipped gym today. Well not skipped but I wasn't keeping track of time because I was talking to Jane & Victoria about what subjects I want to choose next year. I thought I knew my answer but I was wrong. I'm actually unsure about what I want to study. I've been given advice which helped me think better of course but I still haven't gotten my answer yet. I should just wait after checkpoints only I'll start worrying about things. It's kind of pressuring though because my mum kept asking me whether I've decided yet. I'm praying that I make the right decisions but for now, I shall worry about my checkpoints and my finals first! Joon Meng was also telling me how many students go to Taylor's or Inti's because they wanna study with their friends. I'm like, whuuuu? You're going to the same college because you don't wanna be alone? What kind of bullshit is that and where's the adventure? Study what you want and make NEW FRIENDS! It's okay if you're going to study alone, you'll get new friends and learn to be independent. Duh. You're gonna throw away your future just cause you want to study in the same school with your friends. That's just plain dumb.

Tuition in like 4 minutes, ugh. Kill me now. I'm so lazy but it's good for me. Exams are coming and I have no time to procrastinate if not I will surely regret it and complain later. Tsk. Have a good evening!

6 days and counting

Love Rachel*